Relapse after a Breakup

Hi everyone,

My avoidant girlfriend broke up with me (both straight, early 20's) over three weeks ago, leaving me feeling devastated. We parted on fairly good terms, still claiming to be in love with each other, which made the separation more difficult. In short, she did not want to be in a relationship because she had some unresolved issues she needed to work through, and our "anxious-avoidant" clashes had become quite ugly; I was overly dependent on her during stressful times, and I had said some mean things during our arguments.

While we did cuddle, we were never intimate; both of us preferred it that way. I also avoided *** or watching porn while in the relationship; I had been "clean" since May 2025. I was proud of myself for finally gaining control over my urges!

Unfortunately, the early days post-breakup were rough, as you can imagine: I was scarcely able to concentrate on anything, frequently cried, dreamt about her, etc.; even just leaving the house in the afternoon felt like a victory. This was not a good emotional state to be in. The day of the breakup, I cynically gave up and completely relapsed. Since then, I have watched porn over a dozen times. It has helped numb my emotions, but I am justifiably disgusted with myself!

How do I move forward from here? Over the past three weeks, I've completely lost all the progress I'd made over the past year or so. I am embarrassed to be around my friends.

I would like to nip this in the bud before it truly becomes an addiction, not just a misguided coping mechanism. Thank you!