ADHD Fiance broke off our engagement by text when over medicated on Elvanse
Me and my ADHD Fiancé had a great relationship and he proposed in Italy in July 2025 and was extremely serious about us. In April this year he started on 10mg of Elvanse/Vyvanse with a 10mg increase every few weeks. When first starting he was very irritable and started acting odd around me like he didnt really want to be with me and said he had doubts about marriage, when I asked him why he could not actually give any reason. This behaviour soon disappeared however and he was fine again, when he was on 30mg and then 40mg he was happy, content, very romantic, buying me flowers, excited to get married, was making future plans for us, and was talking about selling one of his cars to help fund Wedding costs.
He then went up to 50mg and within 3 weeks his behaviour got weird. First he was very hyper and manic, and then started getting irrationally angry. One time he got really nasty with me for apparently talking too loud when I was talking in a completely normal tone of voice and he was so nasty I cried. This was massively out of character. He then started acting very odd like turning up 2 hours late for different things, and blowing money on random unneeded stuff. I got angry with the reckless spending as we were saving for a Wedding and I was very disappointed in him for being very aggressive and rude to his mum. After me and his mum calmed down with him, things seemed fine again.
But 2 days later after whatsapping him a wedding venue to potentially view he sent a horrible message saying we aren't going through with the Wedding as committing to each other would be a mistake, and he ended everything by text. This was 7 weeks ago. He has acted so strange in that time. Sometimes saying he feels very bad for letting me down, and other times being extremely cold acting like I was the cause of everything wrong in his life and the relationship meant nothing. Hes returned my things and shut our joint account but was crying over it and wanting to hug. He has only given very vague weird contradictory ever changing excuses for ending it, and its so weird and confusing. Hes also said hes focusing on his own life and career because hes deserves to be in a better position at work and he was quite cocky about it. He also doesn't get why Im hurt saying Ill find peace with it all one day and Ill meet someone else. Its bizarre behaviour.
He lowered the dose to 40mg 2 weeks ago and asked to meet for coffee next week. I really dont know what to make of it all. But the medication is the only explanation I can think of.
You've been through such a rollercoaster and I'm wondering if it's something else and/or the medication that is really going on here.
You deserve real answers and emotional stability. I'm also wondering if he went back and reported the side effects, asking to potentially change it to something that would affect him/the relationship less?
Just be aware of your own needs and think about saying. I've been really patient and understanding but this on/off, avoiding giving me straight answers is pushing me to my limit.
Perhaps when the medication works properly and/or you feel more stable about us, it would be preferable to have a more in-depth conversation about our future and where we stand with each other, because right now I don't appreciate the disrespect and the flipflopping.
I hope it turns out the way you want it too :)
@turquoisePal8267 it sounds like you’ve been through an incredibly challenging and emotional experience, and I want to acknowledge just how difficult this must be for you. navigating a relationship where mental health and medication play such a significant role can be overwhelming, especially when the person you love begins to change in ways that feel confusing and hurtful. it’s completely understandable to feel a mix of sadness, frustration, and uncertainty about the future.
@turquoisePal8267
I hope it is the medication. He needs a plan to control his behavior. If that is the case make sure you protect yourself but also support him. Sometimes people don't recognize they have changed and are hurting those around them.
@turquoisePal8267 Honestly, reading everything you described, I can understand why you’re so confused. 🫂 The biggest thing that stands out is how dramatically his behavior changed after the dose increases, especially the irritability, hyper/manic behavior, impulsive spending, aggression, and sudden change in how he viewed the relationship.
That doesn’t necessarily mean the medication is 100% responsible, because there could be other things going on too, but I definitely think it’s worth taking seriously and mentioning the entire timeline to his prescriber. The fact that he was behaving completely differently at 30mg and 40mg and then things changed after going to 50mg is something his doctor should know about.
I also wouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself to find a logical explanation for every contradictory thing he has said these past 7 weeks. If he genuinely wasn’t himself or was struggling mentally, he may not even have a clear explanation for his own behavior right now.
As for the coffee meeting, I would go into it without assuming it means you’re getting back together. Just listen and see what he actually has to say. You can care about him deeply while still protecting your own heart and asking for clarity.
And please remember, you didn’t deserve to be spoken to cruelly or made to feel like everything was your fault. Whatever ultimately caused this, you’re allowed to be hurt by how it happened. ❤️
