Past trauma and my adhd brain battle. Last chance to save my relationship for myself and my kids
Im reaching out for counselling as I'm at the edge breaking point with my year long relationship with my bf that we have had hopes of marriage. We ve had alot of ups and downs but I'm at my last chance with him. I need help battling my thoughts due to my adhd and from past traumas I feel the closer him and I get the more insecure I get and I end up pushinv him away. I'm wondering if anyone else has had to battle stuff like this and what has helped you over come this. I want to leave the past in the past and not have these random thoughts and questions come up that I feel I need to ask him for re assurance for. But my adhd is a massive battle that just doesn't let it go sometimes. I hate it I feel like I'm battling the devil in my head. Adhd Is a dirty mental illness for that matter. I'm on medication for my adhd and I'm waiting for my anti depressant to be upped so I'm hoping that helps. My plan is to journal daily graditutes and to try and speak to a counseller as much as possible. I been trying to find a free app to be able to just talk daily or when needed instead of having things come out up at him and hurting us any further. I also want to see our therapist soon once I can afford it. I just want to be able to find a way to heal and let my past hurt stay away forever and not creep up on me as him and I wanna grow closer to marriage instead of getting scared and pushing him away. I'm ranting right now because I'm not exactly sure what more I can do. I feel at a loss. I'm just hoping journalling and daily gratitude's and finding a counseller soon or a free chat will help me move fwd and make progress.
That is all.
2021/8/13 : edited by community mentor @listeningsarinn to remove offsite contact info
@pinkIdea9401
Hey! I'm sorry to hear your adhd and past trauma have been making it really hard for you to hold on to your relationship. I just want to let you know that it's okay to struggle, it's okay to not be okay..
From what I understand, it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to "get better". It seems like you're doing it for your relationship. That's understandable but have you given it a thought to get on this healing process with your boyfriend instead of for him? It understand it's hard to open up to him but in the end, our loved ones will be there for us no matter what..
I hope the medications help with your emotions! I'm glad to see you taking an active interest in your mental health. Gratitude journaling sounds like an awesome idea and I genuinely hope this coping mechanism works out for you. As someone who has personally utilized journaling as well, I know how helpful it can be. Let us know how the counselling worked out!
On a side note, I wanted to point out that pushing away your past isn't the right way to start out, as much as it may seem like the instant reaction. Facing these memories, these thoughts, the pain and learning healthy ways of coping with it all is vital to recovery❤️
Take care~ Sierra
