ADHD Spouse
I’m reaching out because I’ve been facing some challenges with my husband, who has ADHD. I’ve been supporting him as best as I can, leaving notes, taking care of him when I can, but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with him. I’m constantly prioritizing his needs, and in the process, my own desires in the relationship are being put on the backburner. I’m also feeling burned out with everything going on, work and school, and I’m struggling to find a balance between supporting him and taking care of myself.
I want to support him, but I also need to make sure I’m not burning myself out. Does anyone have advice on managing relationships with a partner who has ADHD, especially when there have been past issues like blow-ups and when you’re feeling like you’re walking on eggshells? How do you handle overwhelm and create healthy boundaries?
Also, for those of you who have ADHD, do you still love your partners through the tough moments, or does it die down? How do you keep that love strong while navigating the challenges ADHD brings to the relationship?
Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much for your support!
Hi @purpleShade5332. That sounds tough! My husband and I both have ADHD, but he also has autism and he's been managing his symptoms since childhood. Unfortunately for him, I didn't know I had ADHD until a few years into our marriage, after a lot of frustration and strife. He has given me a ton of grace and continues to do so, while holding me accountable to my responsibilities. He gets angry with me sometimes, but he works hard to understand me and to let his anger pass. He lets it go quickly. He and I are continually working on ourselves, and we firmly believe that our marriage is until death do we part. It helps that we think about our future together often, and that we find things about each other to celebrate.
I don't have much advice to offer, other than to offer your husband tools for managing his own responsibilities. He needs to want those tools. I understand his needing things in writing, but I found with my husband that he can't always make notes for me or give me reminders. I think your husband needs to take responsibility for his weak areas and find strategies for himself. I wonder what he has tried so far? YT videos and Additudemag.com were my main sources for ADHD management tools.
