I've been a bad person but idk how could I fully improve
Since childhood I've always struggled to make long-lasting friends without them getting annoyed of me bc of my behavior (I couldn't be sure if I really have any mental disability bc my family couldn't afford getting me a diagnosis) and I struggle to control myself either. Now I mostly just spend time on the internet bc I've became anti-social irl and I thought it's easier online but forming friendship in the internet is very rocky too. Last year, something happened that I really wanna put behind.
I've been trying my best to improve my behavior so I couldn't hurt anyone ever again but sometimes it still slips off (tho not as often as before). I've joined another fandom (which is cookie run) and my mental health was already improving after I got obsessed with Shadow Milk Cookie as my comfort character and I found a small community too. But I got too comfortable and despite my best to restraint myself there's still instances that I accidentally made others uncomfortable (for ex: I crashed out when I never saw Shadow Milk Cookie in the beast yeast 15 trailer bc I thought he actually died since I see myself in him). Now I got kicked out of a *** server that I loved bc they found out what I did last year
I've been wanting to improve and be a better person but most ppl just won't forgive me and they just ignored my efforts to redeem myself (one of the reasons why I want Shadow Milk Cookie to be redeemed bc I wanted to see in him glimpse of chances I could ever be redeemed myself and be forgiven by everyone at last). All I ever wanted is a group of friends from crk fandom (or just ANY fandom I'm in that I currently hyperfixate on) to hang out with and keep me stable. I've been told I need to seek help and get better before I rejoin that server. Pls tell me I came to the right place to share all these :(
@ShadowMilkCookieLover
Has anything changed in your circumstances that would allow you to receive an evaluation and possibly a diagnosis? If you are still in school, talking to a counselor may help you to connect with resources. In many communities, there is a helpline: 211, is the usual number, but there may be something else where you are.
I admire that despite your struggles, you are still trying to form friendships. Something to keep in mind is when trying to reconnect with former friends, they are likely to remember you and think of you as you were, instead of how you currently are. Also, forgiveness and understanding is something many, if not most young people have yet to become really good at.
Therefore, a fresh start with a new group of people might be the best option.
Your writing offers evidence that you are both intelligent and insightful, so despite your struggles, I think you are on your way to a more sociable future.
It sounds like your main symptom is impulse control, but discovering the reason for it may be immensely helpful, so I hope you find some help.
My eyes hurts.. I can't even read that text becz of the navy blue text
@lowkmeh222
I used to run across weird stuff like light grey text on a white background, which is really hard to read. If you run across text that's hard to read, left click and drag the cursor over the text, and it'll highlight and be easier to read. Doing it here makes the text white on a dark blue background.
Damn. I see you. I got ADHD too. And it's so relatable how we struggle to make friends since childhood😭 And I believe you will always find the friend who vibes with you. (Hope bait) Who Matches your freak and energy. May god bless you with Amazing frnds who is into the same fandom as you.Earlier I used to think I would never make friends. Later I learned to bend in (I was so werid back then and now I got a lil normal to be someone ppl could hang around with) and somehow made some friends. Sometimes try to be in nature. Outside. Just don't rot in the bed.
And tbh that server you are talking about, ppl are kinda rude there? ( Just my opinion: They lack kindness yuck). But I get it tho. People are always rude. Sometimes they are Rude intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. But Don't be sadd because of some people who probably don't love themselves either. You're better off without them. (I'm saying this based on the how they treated you)
And about that crashed out becz some character you didn't see in trailer was kinda reacting much if I'm being honest. I cant blame youuu. I think we ALL would cry if we see our most relatable character die.
(Anyway idk why I yap a lot online js shared what I feel about it X))
