I want a cure
I can't *** stand it, I'm never able to rest because my brain doesn't let me, even after I took 3 melatonin pills I woke up at 3am for no reason. Sometimes there's nights where I just can't go to sleep no matter how much melatonin or benadryl I take, I can never stay at home for one day and it pisses me off and everyone around me, the other day while I was making a sharp turn I thought I had slowed down enough to make it but I had to back up, luckily there was no one behind me it was so *** embarrassing.
Whenever someone explains something to me and I don't understand, I don't know what to say I didn't understand so I just end up saying okay even if I know I'm not gonna do what they asked, then they get mad at me, I can never understand any sort of math and struggle with counting money sometimes, *** I don't even know how to multiply three digit numbers together and can't even do 9th grade math as a 12th grader.
I don't know what went wrong with me, my mom claims to have adhd yet graduated highschool with honors and says she didn't struggle with math until later in life, my dad claims to have adhd too and ended up dropping out of highschool bc of how much he didn't care for it. My siblings all were advanced in school and have had long term jobs and friends plus partners, and I know they're all older than me but still were far ahead of me at my age, I don't think it's genetic at all, my mom did say she had pneumonia while she was 12 weeks pregnant with me and I was born 6lbs 13oz 19in at 41 weeks gestation, I looked it up and it said it was on the smaller side for gestational age.
I've suspected I have fetal alcohol syndrome or something but my mom isn't much of a drinker, I've also suspected chromosomal defects or mitochondrial syndrome since those can cause developmental delays and cognitive issues. My cognitive problems used to be way worse when I was younger but they've improved over time, I have my drivers license so I know for a fact i can't have an intellectual disability plus I succeed in areas except math.
@tallFan9013
🥺
You are going through alot.
I can feel that you are overwhelmed and fed up.
Comparing yourself to others is hard.
There are different types of intelligence, we all learn differently and have different talents.
It doesn't make you less.
It doesn't mean you are less.
You have plenty to offer.
You matter.
You, not you in comparison to your parents or siblings, just you.
Find something that makes you smile, passionate, that speaks of who you are.
Your limitations don't define you.
Sending you my genuine best wishes 💜💕
@Amanda84 I wasn't comparing to complain, I was comparing to make a point that it isn't genetic, none of my family members have ever had what I've had or atleast to the same extent, stimulants make me angry or slow me down too much and I've been on both methylphenidates and amphetamines NOTHING WORKS, I've tried antidepressants they gave me rages or made me even more depressed, mood stabilizers gave me more mood dysregulation.
I've tried and tried to learn things better, tried to focus more but alot of times it's damn near impossible, I don't have money to go to a *** doctor so I'm just forced to suffer and it's not fair, I never did anything to deserve this. I work really hard always have had to and have never been successful in anything, not socially, not in school, not work wise, NOTHING.
Yet I'm told it's all in my head every single *** day and whenever I start screaming and crying everyone *** about me, I've went to a psychward twice and it was completely *** useless, techs and nurses ignored me while I screamed and cried throwing chairs and just about anything I could find, not a single staff member comforted me knowing I could not calm down.
They refused to let me eat or go on to the cafeteria if I didn't behave better which made my behavior worse since they were isolating me from human interaction and attempting to starve me, not even my mom cared when I told her this, the forceful drugging since then has caused me more cognitive and emotional problems which my parents refuse to do anything about, last year I had an outburst almost every single day of school and I literally could not help it.
My mom blamed me and bitched about what a bad kid I am despite the fact I was passing, and she knew alot of it was out of my control. I'm going to a new school for my senior year which I'm happy about but am worried that I'll have emotional problems there that no one will care to help me for. I'm dosing off of my seroquel now and am doing alot better, I *** hate medication.
@tallFan9013
I never thought you were complaining for one second.
I'm sorry you are made to feel like it is in your head.
I know it's not.
Your feelings are very valid and very real.
I cannot imagine how isolating it is and when you give your all and still it's not enough.
I'm glad you are going to a new school.
I genuinely hope it goes well for you.
I'm sorry everyone who should be advocating for you, isn't 🥺
💜💕