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tallFan9013
3 169 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceAugust 10, 2025
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Medications make it worse
Depression Support / by tallFan9013
Last post
 August 12th, 2025
...See more No matter what medication I take, it always makes my moods way worse and all they do is give me more drugs despite me saying I don't want to be on them they're making it worse. They don't believe me, with adhd stimulants they ALWAYS hand me amphetamines and methylphenidates when I've told them I've tried them and they make me angry, they refuse to give me anything else, I'm 17 and this has been happening for 3 years now, my parents don't listen to anything I say because I have a diagnosis of autism and apparently I act crazy, they don't even let me take my own medications when I'm almost a legal adult, my parents just never listen to me period and sometimes treat me like I'm much younger than I am. I've tried to talk to them about this and they get angry, my depression has always been situational, it says "Major Depressive Disorder" but it's not like I stay in bed all day and the reason why I've been depressed is because of the hand I've been dealt, psychiatrists ignore this and so do my parents.
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Anyone else have Mixed Obsessional Thoughts and Acts?
OCD & Related Behaviors / by tallFan9013
Last post
 August 11th, 2025
...See more I was dxed with this when I was 11, I looked it up and it said it was a type of OCD.
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I want a cure
ADHD Support / by tallFan9013
Last post
 August 11th, 2025
...See more I can't *** stand it, I'm never able to rest because my brain doesn't let me, even after I took 3 melatonin pills I woke up at 3am for no reason. Sometimes there's nights where I just can't go to sleep no matter how much melatonin or benadryl I take, I can never stay at home for one day and it pisses me off and everyone around me, the other day while I was making a sharp turn I thought I had slowed down enough to make it but I had to back up, luckily there was no one behind me it was so *** embarrassing. Whenever someone explains something to me and I don't understand, I don't know what to say I didn't understand so I just end up saying okay even if I know I'm not gonna do what they asked, then they get mad at me, I can never understand any sort of math and struggle with counting money sometimes, *** I don't even know how to multiply three digit numbers together and can't even do 9th grade math as a 12th grader. I don't know what went wrong with me, my mom claims to have adhd yet graduated highschool with honors and says she didn't struggle with math until later in life, my dad claims to have adhd too and ended up dropping out of highschool bc of how much he didn't care for it. My siblings all were advanced in school and have had long term jobs and friends plus partners, and I know they're all older than me but still were far ahead of me at my age, I don't think it's genetic at all, my mom did say she had pneumonia while she was 12 weeks pregnant with me and I was born 6lbs 13oz 19in at 41 weeks gestation, I looked it up and it said it was on the smaller side for gestational age. I've suspected I have fetal alcohol syndrome or something but my mom isn't much of a drinker, I've also suspected chromosomal defects or mitochondrial syndrome since those can cause developmental delays and cognitive issues. My cognitive problems used to be way worse when I was younger but they've improved over time, I have my drivers license so I know for a fact i can't have an intellectual disability plus I succeed in areas except math. 
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Any late bloomers in the context of relationships?
Women's Issues / by tallFan9013
Last post
 August 18th, 2025
...See more This is gonna sound unbelievable, I'm 17 going into my senior year of highschool and have never had a close friend, in elementary school they said I had a learning disability and my parents agreed to put me into the schools main sped class, while I probably did need it since for awhile I was behind academically speaking, I suspect it's what stunted my social skills to a certain extent. Im not putting all the blame on it since I did do speech therapy from kindergarten to 9th grade (although from 3rd grade onwards it became kinda pointless) my gen ed classmates began making fun of me and ocstracizing me, then from that point onwards I had to make use of my time alone. Up until a few years ago whenever someone would try to talk to me I'd act awkwardly and become uncomfortable because I wasn't used to the interaction, now I've become comfortable with talking to people and striking up conversations but no one reciporcates, it's gotten to the point where I don't even have the energy to interact with people because what's the point if it always ends up the same, I'm so burnout from the constant social rejection, I'm tired of feeling horrible to the point where I don't even know how I'm still alive. I've told school counselors about this many times before and none of them ever cared, my parents are used to me having no friends and no social life, not even doctors or therapists give a ***, last time I went through a severe mental breakdown I was taken to a psych ward twice, then a "psychiatrist" who's not even a doctor that polydrugged me and made me feel 987789988x worse than I ever thought was humanely possible, my parents didn't care and have always thought forceful drugging was the solution since I was 5. I've never been in a single relationship before, never been kissed, held hands romantically, I don't like anyone my age and never have I've always been attracted to older guys which has gotten me in a *** ton of trouble, the jobs I've had I've been let go from most of them besides one where I quit because I couldn't handle it, vocational rehab told me I was too high functioning for them to provide me with any sort of assistance. I have a driver's license yet can't make friends or hold down a job, I feel so alone and like I'm the only one in this situation, other "autistic" women all are in long term relationships, have jobs, friends, etc so I really have no one to relate to. I daydream about being financially successful yet other people keep getting in my way and making everything so much harder for me, I'm not going to college because it's too expensive and im not traditionally smart so what's the point, I can't afford trade either and job corps is nonexistent. I'm constantly told how stupid I am and how I'll never amount to anything because I'm not good at anything, my fine motor skills are extremely poor, same with my gross motor skills and I can't afford occupational therapy either, I also already did it when I was little and they discharged me saying I completed my goals when I was 8. I'm moving with my dad to be with my dad's side of the family after I graduate and I'm so excited. I might be able to get a job at my grandma and aunts grooming shop there if they even let me, which I think they will. It just sucks because I know I'm intelligent but my brain and my body just don't cooperate, if my body wants to do something my brain lags out, logically I know I can't meltdown but my emotions just can't hold it in, in math I try to learn but my brain just can't remember it all and gets confused even with the simplest things, I also struggle with mopping and sweeping alongside putting my hair in a ponytail and makeup, I'm a very unattractive person so it's a huge deal that i don't wear makeup and am horrible at it, again I try to learn but my body doesn't cooperate at all. For awhile I couldn't tie plastic bags and now I'm good at it, I still can't tie my shoes and need help tying bikini tops or shirts. I forget very simple hygienic routines such as putting on deodorant or brushing my teeth, I always lose my deodorant or everything I need the most. I don't know how to use a key and struggle immensely with it, I feel like an idiot sometimes especially with cooking. Everyone gets annoyed at me because I can't ever get it right the first time.
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Don't do well with therapists
Autism Support / by tallFan9013
Last post
 August 11th, 2025
...See more I've never been able to see a therapist for more than a year, I've seen 9 different therapists and my brain never responds well, they don't say anything constructive and get mad at me for "doubting everything they say" when I was just clarifying something and their "advice" are always just words of platitude. For example one told me "Accept yourself, accept your situation." When I told her I was depressed over never having any friends and the guy I was obsessed with cruelly humiliated me, she got snarky with me when I said in our last "session" neurotypical people don't understand my obsession issues and she goes in a very angry tone "Well, (my name) you don't know I'm neurotypical." Well if everyone has a mental illness, no one has a mental illness. All I'm ever told in "sessions" is oh I'm so sorry, everytime you think a negative thought think a positive one, um the reason why im *** here is because I can't force myself to be happy and I can't think positive, if it were so simple therapy and antidepressants wouldn't exist. My two last "therapists" had their masters yet were two of the most unintelligent mfers I've ever encountered, they gave zero insight on anything, no advice, NOTHING. Yet therapy is helpful for everyone else but me, when I say this everyone blames me, I think from my experiences most therapists need more therapy than their own clients, one of the therapists I had called my mom WEEKS AFTER I sent her a nasty email for overcharging us after providing me nothing, she went on to call my mom fake crying saying I sent her a horrible email and forwarded it to my mom just to get me in trouble. This was months after I stopped seeing her, my mom was reluctant to get me another therapist and I was having meltdowns everyday at school, my mom doesn't get human emotions and anyone having a hard time overwhelms her too much, I was on several medications that were worsening my symptoms and my mom was for awhile refusing to let me dose down off of them. I remember in PHP the counselor told my mom I should try CBRS but you have to have medicaid to qualify, at the doctor's they'd told my mom to apply for Katie Beckett but she'd be rejected saying our household income was too high, for 3 years I've been drugged out of my *** mind from no choice of my own, in my personal opinion I don't have chemical imbalance depression, I have situational depression due to the constant ocstracization and being treated poorly, I never had depression before I was repeatedly picked on. The medications have made it all so much worse but neither of my parents or my "psychiatrist" listen or care, I've done some crazy ridiculous *** on them ones I'm not at all proud of, I'm dosing off of one of them and am already doing so much better
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