Looking for genuine support, not judgement please

On Thursday I went on a first date with a new guy from a dating app, it went really well and we messaged after. It felt so amazing and perfect at the time, I honestly thought it was going to work out in the future after going on more dates and getting to know each other better. I was genuinely happy and I thought he was too. He said he wanted to see me again and we even made future plans to hang out. All I saw was green flags, we had a great day together. But literally the next day he didn’t reply to any of my messages, he ghosted me but he looked at my stories. I asked if he was ok, I wasn’t bombarding him or sending angry messages, I gave him plenty of time and space to reply but he just didn’t at all. He just randomly blocked me on everything for no reason, I’m so hurt. 💔😭 I know I didn’t do or say anything wrong on Thursday or Friday, I was just being myself. I was being genuinely kind and caring and making sure he was ok and comfortable being with me. He kept saying he liked me a lot and he even showed signs of that too so I definitely got that impression from him. I said sorry if I talk too much because of my ADHD just tell me to shut up (in a jokey lighthearted way), he said he didn’t mind me talking a lot and liked listening to me. He gave me lots of hugs and kisses throughout the day, he was being so nice to me. What happened? I’m so confused. 😭 It feels like he lied to me and lead me on on Thursday, then Friday he ghosts me. I told him to be honest with me and he said he was being honest. I really liked him and saw a future with him, he definitely showed through his actions that he felt the same way on Thursday.

Unfortunately things went downhill on Friday night when I was about to go to bed, I knew at this point he was definitely ignoring me and blocking me, I knew something was wrong. 😔 I called him on No Caller ID because he blocked my number, I tried a few times but not loads of times in a row, I did space them out. I messaged his friends just asking if he’s ok and what happened which none of them replied to. I messaged him on a different *** and *** account but he didn’t reply or block those accounts (yet). I am going to leave it now and not try messaging or calling him again. I know that was harassment and I want to stop. 😢 I also called my baby dad last night who I’m not supposed to have any contact with at all, just because I wanted to have a go at someone and I felt lonely. I feel like no one likes me or wants to date me and he’s someone I’m familiar with even though he is toxic and abusive and we can’t be in contact.

I feel like I’m failing as a parent and the way I’m behaving isn’t safe around my children just because of a stupid guy who blocked me! I know I need to be strong and not react like that, I need to think of my children! I need to put them both first, not other guys.

I know I don’t need him. There were 3 things we didn’t have in common anyway so maybe it’s a good sign he blocked me. 🤷🏼‍♀️ He smokes weed, he likes BDSM, we have different tastes in music. I don’t like any of those things and I definitely don’t want to date a smoker in general especially around my kids.