Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Clio9876
2 41,958 M Crossing Mileposts 2
PathStep 166 Compassion hearts6,066 Forum posts1,587 Forum upvotes2,470 Current upvotes2,470 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceAugust 1, 2021
Bio
Recent forum posts
Clio9876 profile picture
The "how are you?" question
Grief & Loss / by Clio9876
Last post
 May 22nd
...See more I would like suggestions of how to deal with the "how are you?" question. I'm going to a family bbq. Lots of people who I've not seen since the funeral. I'm expecting lots of "how are you" questions. Normally if it is just one, I can deflect it. But I'm afraid that after 10 in one afternoon, my resilience is going to break. I can't lie with "fine". I don't want to ruin the party with "******* miserable". I can't make a change of subject smooth enough to not make it obvious. So do you have great short answers, that don't shy from the truth, but don't drag everyone into misery?
Clio9876 profile picture
A little bit of crazy in grief.
Grief & Loss / by Clio9876
Last post
 May 12th
...See more TW. My husband died 9 months ago. Most likely by suicide. But I'll never know for sure. There are many times when I don't recognise myself. When I do seriously crazy ***. I hope its the grief. But quite often I'm afraid I'm losing my mind. Today my dog hesitated to come when called. I lost my ***. I was furious with her for being scared of me. Guess what, it made her more scared, and me more furious. She ran away from me. Away out into the rain. Then it hit me. I'm a cruel horrible person. My husband killed himself because he couldn't stand to live with me anymore. I was bullied at school because I was unlikeable. My parents labelled me the difficult one, because I was unlovable. And now my dog can't stand to be with me. I'm tired of trying to be good. Tired of trying to believe I'm good. I'm tired of trying to fight this self negativity. I didn't ask for it. What do I do? No one can help me. No one can convince me I'm not horrid. Because people who know me for years (parents, classmates, husband, dog) all conclude I'm horrid. What do I do? I feel like I'm wearing family and friends out with this negativity. I feel like I'm getting worse. Do I or don't I want them to know that. A&E? Yep, someone to talk to who won't be affected by this ***. Car key, open house door. Still no sign of dog. Open car, dog appears, hesitates, I reach for patience in desperation and she slinks the car. Result. Bit of relief she's not gone forever. I can just ignore her in the back, while I sort myself. Start car. It's that song on the radio. That song we all have that means something. I crank the volume way higher than I ever have before and bawl. And drive to A&E bawling in the pouring rain. And stop 2 streets away. What am I doing? I'm OK. I'm just grieving. I got a bit hungry. A bit lonely. A bit impatient. A whole lot catastrophic. I'm going home now. For a toasted cheese sandwich. The people driving past have no idea what just happened. Tomorrow I will go to work. Tomorrow I will speak with friends and family. No one will know what just happened. Can people who haven't experienced such pain understand these crazy moments? I share this in the hope that it might help someone else experiencing a little bit of crazy in grief. We're OK.
Clio9876 profile picture
Do you think animals can forgive?
Positivity & Gratitude / by Clio9876
Last post
 February 16th
...See more Do you think animals can forgive? They certainly can't tell us whether they have forgiven something or not, so how would we know?
Clio9876 profile picture
Take care of yourself
50 & Over Community / by Clio9876
Last post
 December 14th, 2025
...See more A friend just wrote. (Paraphrasing quite a bit) "sorry I've not been in contact, I've been busy doing this that and the other. How are you? Take care of yourself" I was triggered by that last phrase. "Yes, I must take care of myself, because you are too busy to care for me enough to make time for me!" Of course the adult bit of me knows that we have to care for ourselves because it's an unreasonable to expect others to do it. But the child in me still yearns for it. And I was also triggered by it, because, who doesn't take care of themself? No doubt some of us do a better job than others, but I'm sure we are all trying our best! And if we are trying our best, do we really need a reminder to try harder? Nope. I know. They were just trying to express that they care. But well, I'm having a bad morning. I'm allowed to have a bad morning. And today, taking care of myself involves having a rant. Thank you for this space to rant. I didn't want to take my trigger out on my friend. For anyone else having a bad day, today I set myself the job of just doing the next thing. Whatever it is, that is the right thing to do. Thank you for listening. 
Clio9876 profile picture
A random bit of appreciation for @QuietMagic
Positivity & Gratitude / by Clio9876
Last post
 January 6th
...See more @QuietMagic [https://www.7cups.com/@QuietMagic] I'm appreciating you for standing up for inclusion, when others wanted to exclude. For generating a feeling of support, welcome and being heard. For being the essence of this site when it mattered. For being a great role model to me. 
Clio9876 profile picture
The instant community of shared belief
Religion & Spirituality / by Clio9876
Last post
 December 27th, 2025
...See more I don't believe there is anything "out there". No god, no mother earth, no entity or force with a plan. I find this quite often difficult in a world where the majority seem to believe that there is some form of driving force. So many people get strength from this concept. Sometimes I'm angry that I can't. I  can see how it could make life easier and I wonder why I have to make things difficult for myself. So much advice is based on the concept of a driving force. I read things like "we should embrace challenges becase they are there for us to learn from" and, while I definitely think we can learn and grow from difficult experiences, I really don't think they are there for that purpose. They just happen. It means I question everything I read and hear. Because I question what's behind it. If their guidance comes from something I don't believe in, I'll be trying to do something that ultimately won't fit for me. Common beliefs bring community and shared purpose. Having a unique belief based on my own study and understanding means I can live true to myself. But can also be quite isolating. I would love to be readily able to share my belief system with others who believe the same, like those in recognised religions can do. Shared beliefs do create instant community and I feel shut off from that opportunity. But the thing is, I can't make myself believe in something I don't believe in. It would be totally false. So here I am, always feeling a bit isolated in a world where the majority appear to believe, and base their lives on, something that to me, just doesn't exist. I would like to find a community that share my belief.
Clio9876 profile picture
Thanks
Positivity & Gratitude / by Clio9876
Last post
 September 29th, 2025
...See more A post of thanks to @stormieandpaws Their courage and example has inspired me to address and comfort my inner child and let go of a bit of past.  Thanks.
Clio9876 profile picture
Maladaptive guilt
7 Cups Online Therapy / by Clio9876
Last post
 September 11th, 2025
...See more Today I was struggling with guilt.  I found this Web page helpful, so I thought to share it. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/threshold/202507/letting-go-of-maladaptive-guilt/amp It reminded me of things I've come across before, but haven't yet been able to make good habits. For example: Responsibility boundaries. Am I feeling guilty because I'm taking responsibility for things that weren't my responsibility? The answer was yes. Pattern triggers. Am I being triggered into a past pattern of guilt that isn't relevant here? Yes, I felt (and still feel) guilty for my mums unhappiness. I don't have to accept as true, what my mum taught me. What was my intention? Did I intend to harm? No. Then why am I treating myself as I did? If I harmed by neglect, by failing to do something, then it would be best to put my energy into changing that for the future, rather than being stuck in the past. Did fear have a role? Remember that when in fight, flight or freeze mode, other actions are available. Adding to the fear won't help this. Be kind to myself by being realistic about what was achievable. Thanks for listening. Be kind to yourselves.
Search more from @Clio9876
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
55 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Super Active Bubbly Chief Chat Honest Voice Confident Voice Power Voice Strong Start Milestone Journeying Strong Reconnect Walking Together First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community Collaborator First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Loving Soul Bundled Group Chimer Group Chatter Group Supporter Group Carer Group Healer Member Oath Compassion Hero Forum Companion Forum Helper Forum Buddy Forum Guide Forum Light Supportive Smile Friendly Face 7 Day Streak 14 Day Streak 30 Day Streak 90 Day Streak Togetherness Meet & Greet Teammate Group Friend Forum Friend Meaghan's Heart Strong Bond I Hang 10 Mindfulness Support 1 Cupsgiving Wellness Huddler 3
Report an issue