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Clio9876
3 43,093 M Crossing Mileposts 3
PathStep 166 Compassion hearts6,176 Forum posts1,650 Forum upvotes2,555 Current upvotes2,555 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceAugust 1, 2021
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Learning to listen revolutionised my relationship with my mum
Positivity & Gratitude / by Clio9876
Last post
 September 3rd
...See more This site taught me how to listen. And I'm so grateful, because it has revolutionised my relationship with my mum.  When I first came here, I was basically estranged from my mum. Her behaviour caused me a lot of stress. So for both of our sakes, I virtually cut contact. It wasn't what I wanted. But I didn't know what to do. The support I found here helped me to start to forgive my mum. I learnt to listen, because I wanted to give back, the support I'd got from here. Sorry to all the people I practiced on, I hope I helped more than hindered. One day, I suddenly wondered if I could apply the principles of listening to my mum. I had nothing to lose, so I gave it a try. Today I realised it has revolutionised our relationship. It is not the relationship I hoped for. But it is a relationship I can be proud of. Because I made it better than it was. I did that. Many people come here needing to be heard. Myself included. Little did I know that I needed to learn to listen. I wonder how many realise the power of learning to listen. If you haven't done them, I recommend the 7 cups listening courses.
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Distractions and listening
Mindfulness Center / by Clio9876
Last post
 August 24th
...See more I recently went to a discussion on resisting distractions. On the surface it was about modern media distractions. TV, phones, video games etc  But on a deeper level it was about not wanting to be alone with our thoughts and feelings.  It got me thinking about therapists, listeners, support groups and friends. I was brought up with the mentality that no one wants your difficult emotions. They need to be kept private and hidden. More recently I've been convinced that asking for help is OK. But now I'm wondering if there comes a point where asking for help is avoiding sitting alone with difficult thoughts and feelings. If going to a discussion on distractions is a distraction in itself.
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Courage quote
Positivity & Gratitude / by Clio9876
Last post
 August 21st
...See more "We will always be more afraid than we wish to be, but braver than we expect" Robert Jordan. Another post reminded me of this quote. I really like the fact it feels like realistic achievable positivity. We don't have to be perfect but we will still be great.
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The "how are you?" question
Grief & Loss / by Clio9876
Last post
 May 22nd
...See more I would like suggestions of how to deal with the "how are you?" question. I'm going to a family bbq. Lots of people who I've not seen since the funeral. I'm expecting lots of "how are you" questions. Normally if it is just one, I can deflect it. But I'm afraid that after 10 in one afternoon, my resilience is going to break. I can't lie with "fine". I don't want to ruin the party with "******* miserable". I can't make a change of subject smooth enough to not make it obvious. So do you have great short answers, that don't shy from the truth, but don't drag everyone into misery?
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A little bit of crazy in grief.
Grief & Loss / by Clio9876
Last post
 May 12th
...See more TW. My husband died 9 months ago. Most likely by suicide. But I'll never know for sure. There are many times when I don't recognise myself. When I do seriously crazy ***. I hope its the grief. But quite often I'm afraid I'm losing my mind. Today my dog hesitated to come when called. I lost my ***. I was furious with her for being scared of me. Guess what, it made her more scared, and me more furious. She ran away from me. Away out into the rain. Then it hit me. I'm a cruel horrible person. My husband killed himself because he couldn't stand to live with me anymore. I was bullied at school because I was unlikeable. My parents labelled me the difficult one, because I was unlovable. And now my dog can't stand to be with me. I'm tired of trying to be good. Tired of trying to believe I'm good. I'm tired of trying to fight this self negativity. I didn't ask for it. What do I do? No one can help me. No one can convince me I'm not horrid. Because people who know me for years (parents, classmates, husband, dog) all conclude I'm horrid. What do I do? I feel like I'm wearing family and friends out with this negativity. I feel like I'm getting worse. Do I or don't I want them to know that. A&E? Yep, someone to talk to who won't be affected by this ***. Car key, open house door. Still no sign of dog. Open car, dog appears, hesitates, I reach for patience in desperation and she slinks the car. Result. Bit of relief she's not gone forever. I can just ignore her in the back, while I sort myself. Start car. It's that song on the radio. That song we all have that means something. I crank the volume way higher than I ever have before and bawl. And drive to A&E bawling in the pouring rain. And stop 2 streets away. What am I doing? I'm OK. I'm just grieving. I got a bit hungry. A bit lonely. A bit impatient. A whole lot catastrophic. I'm going home now. For a toasted cheese sandwich. The people driving past have no idea what just happened. Tomorrow I will go to work. Tomorrow I will speak with friends and family. No one will know what just happened. Can people who haven't experienced such pain understand these crazy moments? I share this in the hope that it might help someone else experiencing a little bit of crazy in grief. We're OK.
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Do you think animals can forgive?
Positivity & Gratitude / by Clio9876
Last post
 February 16th
...See more Do you think animals can forgive? They certainly can't tell us whether they have forgiven something or not, so how would we know?
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Take care of yourself
50 & Over Community / by Clio9876
Last post
 December 14th, 2025
...See more A friend just wrote. (Paraphrasing quite a bit) "sorry I've not been in contact, I've been busy doing this that and the other. How are you? Take care of yourself" I was triggered by that last phrase. "Yes, I must take care of myself, because you are too busy to care for me enough to make time for me!" Of course the adult bit of me knows that we have to care for ourselves because it's an unreasonable to expect others to do it. But the child in me still yearns for it. And I was also triggered by it, because, who doesn't take care of themself? No doubt some of us do a better job than others, but I'm sure we are all trying our best! And if we are trying our best, do we really need a reminder to try harder? Nope. I know. They were just trying to express that they care. But well, I'm having a bad morning. I'm allowed to have a bad morning. And today, taking care of myself involves having a rant. Thank you for this space to rant. I didn't want to take my trigger out on my friend. For anyone else having a bad day, today I set myself the job of just doing the next thing. Whatever it is, that is the right thing to do. Thank you for listening. 
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A random bit of appreciation for @QuietMagic
Positivity & Gratitude / by Clio9876
Last post
 January 6th
...See more @QuietMagic [https://www.7cups.com/@QuietMagic] I'm appreciating you for standing up for inclusion, when others wanted to exclude. For generating a feeling of support, welcome and being heard. For being the essence of this site when it mattered. For being a great role model to me. 
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