Nobody believes I have ADHD (but I do)

   The last time I talked to my therapist, I prepared a paper with things I deeply thought of, so when I read I could explain it and explore in this direction. But now I had no sheet, I was spontaneous, and my brain was on fire and unable to think. I told her that, and she said I was just here to be spontaneous and I didn't need a text. But then I told her I was afraid of being judged, and she said I wasn't going to be judged. So spoiler alert, I felt judged. It's this horrible sensation where you know somebody's judgment in advance, and you tell them you know they are going to have that judgment of you, but they still throw it at you. I just kept being interrupted and she just threw assumptions at why I was doing or thinking, even worse, the way I am. And either she was wrong, either I already knew all she was going to say. And it's why I didn't wanna go to a therapist (I was forced by mother), because I know they always simplify all my experiences. And I never feel understood. I thought at least ADHD was something simple to get for somebody who's known as a specialist of kids's struggles, but she didn't even say I "don't look like I have ADHD. " or smthg, she said "ADHD is when you can't focus on ANYTHING, and you focus based on what you like" and I was like, "no, ADHD is not being able to focus on boring tasks" and even tho it sounds wrong it's the true definition and I know it, but she was like, not taking me seriously. 

    She said she knew better than me as a specialist, and it drew the barrier, saying " I know all and you don't". And when I said I hated school rules she said "You have a problem with rules, but rules are important...." It's like all I say is taken the wrong way, really. And it's so frustrating. Because the woman is known as an amazing therapist, and she's kind, but she doesn't understand me. And she did, last time, or I felt like she did. But it's like, if even a specialist doesn't believe I have ADHD, who will? And who will get my struggles for what they really are and not some "you just don't believe in yourself" because it's WAY more complex than that. And I'm sorry, but I can't just laugh  at the disaster that is my family , which is not a family but a group of individuals who ally with each other against other individuals, which is mostly me, at least when I'm present. And I need help to leave all that, or even just to be believed entirely. It just feels so gaslight-y g when everybody finds somebody competent or nice but you don't. And the more I grow up, the more I feel like a rebel that will never have her place in society.

   What do you think? Will I ever be understood somewhere else than online? Should I write a text next time? Should I just take these appointments as what they are: something forced upon me? Thanks for making it this far. Bravo, you don't have ADHD; ( or maybe you do... And ADHD is not what it seems?)