Struggling with career
Hii i have adhd, it's undiagnosed, i have struggled with studies since childhood, I'm not lazy or careless infact i worry about so much, I'm very anxious, i overthink a lot, I'm perfectionist too, always behind , messy room, high rejection sensitivity so i reject myself, as a kid I used to day dream a lot never realised it was part of adhd , as teen I was depressed didn't know major cause of adhd , now I'm 18 in my 1st year engineering, my 1st year finals are going on i can't study i can't focus all I do is cry, i don't have anyone in person who understands the struggle of adhd and i feel so alone, i have sat infront of books for hrs but studied ntg just criticized myself, i know i need to heal give myself self love but time the exams it's not going to wait for my healing, I was already carrying too much upon that my dad passed away now financially struggling and I'm failing in exams disappointing my mom, i want to escape this reality right now I'm supposed to study i got important exam but i can't focus i can't stop being negative, i don't know if I'm playing victim in my mind reminding myself all the bad things happen to me but it's also true that i can't focus i have no choice of freedom to explore my career i just feel stuck, i want to quit engineering but as I was always depressed i don't what else should I do, only thing i have done all my life is isolated and cried , i feel heavy i wish i could study like normal people so that i don't be a disappointment to my mom
I just feel bad and stuck i feel worth less careless i honestly wish someone could show me path like what should I do how do I live life before I was suicidal before during my 10 grade but I want to live but it's more worse than anything else right now
My inner voice says don't stress yourself too much but other voice says your just lazy don't want to do hard work you just want give up
I wish somebody could silence my thoughts
I don't want to hear my thoughts
Everything is so hard
I speak all this i feel I'm manifesting negative stuff but I'm not able to be positive and kind to myself
@shyNectarine8854
I was diagnosed at the beginning of my third year of college, just when I was starting my major. Actually, I was diagnosed twice, once by psychiatrist, then by the college itself. Once diagnosed, the school went to significant effort to help me. It worked out well. I graduated summa *** laude.
Growing up though, I suffered a lot. I was horrible in math. I really couldn't stay focused in other subjects either. In fact, I failed over half my classes. I actually had both ADHD and PTSD, but I didn't begin to understand it until I was an adult. I was also found to have dyslexia, but for some reason, I am really good at reading.
If the school can diagnose you, or if they help you get evaluated, they may help you deal with it. For example, I was given extra time on tests and was allowed to go into a room by myself in order to take them. They also made recommendations on how to study, or more accurately, how to determine which study methods work best for you. In my case, I have to take breaks every 15 or 20 minutes.
I have had times of feeling suicidal in the past. I genuinely thought I was a defective human being. These days, I don't believe I am anymore defective than anyone else. I'm not even sure that ADHD is a defect. Instead, I believe it's just a different way of processing. It's just that our system of education usually only accommodates a single approach. However, these days, ADHD and other neurologic variables are given greater accommodation.
You've probably heard that a picture is worth a thousand words. So, what if most of the kids in classroom think with sub-vocal mental dialogue, and your thoughts come in intuitive flashes or visualizations? I figured out that if I could visualize a process or structure, I could remember it. If the only thing available to me were words and lectures, I would forget whatever was lectured about even before leaving the classroom. Another element of ADHD is becoming very bored, very quickly. In my case, it had to do with how slowly the class was progressing, and I simply could not force my mind to maintain that crawling pace.
It's hard to silence thoughts! Guiding them in a different direction is easier. It's worth considering, what thoughts help, and what thoughts cause problems.
I don't think you are playing the victim. There are times when self-love must take the form of assertive self advocacy. Should you allow more time to pass while feeling as you do, or is it time to look for some help?