Friendship and rumination

2025 was rough, to say the least. I tried really hard to pull myself out of a 3-year-long spiral into anxious thoughts and general misery, but I was unsuccessful. My self esteem is in the gutter, life is quite a mess, and I am in what I like to call late-stage burnout. You know when the characters in Smash Bros. take so much damage, like 120%, and they start smoking? That's how I feel. I have so much ambition, but I can't accomplish anything. I am over capacity. That makes me miserable. All those awful feelings make life grey, so grey that not even friends can brighten it up. I think that's because I have a lot of trouble talking about my feelings-- especially with friends-- and it makes all my relationships worse. I will hold on to whatever they say for hours, days, and months. I'll replay different versions of the scenario in my head, and try and evaluate who was 'in the wrong.' Usually, it's me; if it is, I'll probably feel horrible about myself. If not, I lose the ability to be around them. In both cases, I tend to avoid the person and cut them out. This has happened a lot recently, so I've been thinking about what this means for me mentally. I hear all the time that isolation is a bad thing, but all the stress and rumination my friendships cause me has been hindering my progress in other areas of life. Any tips for communicating these feelings to others?