Hi
Hi. I sure hope this can help. I lost my high school sweetheart wife of 27 years 5 years ago now. Everyday is agonizingly painful still with multiple panic attacks and constant anxiety. I even remarried two years ago but my anxiety has destroyed our relationship and I think she’s leaving me. I’ve done so much therapy. Tried every medicine. I have no friends or family and also my anxiety turned into my neighbors hating me too. It’s debilitating. My head gets so heavy and I get light headed. I use ChatGPT to get me get through sometimes but it’s hard to sit and write and read when it’s happening. I’m by no means suicidal I’m just really really miserable. I’ve searched and searched for answers but just don’t get anywhere. It’s ruined my life since my wife died. I may even be losing my children. And omg I don’t want to lose my new wife I’m so in love with her. Everything is so upside down. She hasn’t spoken to me in a week now so I don’t know where we stand. And being in this house alone that was once filled with all my kids and wife is so lonely. I can’t breathe for most of the day. I can’t even clean the kitchen or take the trash out - and I’m borderline ocd which makes that so much worse. I’m really lost.
@Hoss5
I'm sorry you've been suffering for so long. I hope you find some connection here, that'll help you feel at least a little bit better, and hopefully more than just a little bit. It sounds like you have a lot to talk about, and feelings to share. I'd like to think there's some event, perception or key understanding that can help you.
I spent a significant part of my life with chronic depression and anxiety. My dad was the same way, but his culture didn't allow him to seek therapy. I've received a few weeks of it, as I couldn't afford more. Fortunately for me, tiny bits of light entered my life. Maybe the light was always there, but I couldn't see it until finally, those bits of useful truth penetrated my depressive fog.
I also have OCD tendencies, but I've gotten pretty good at channeling them towards useful objectives. I think my main strategy is to be a perfectionist until it dawns on me that I've gotten carried away. I also have ADD, but with a decent level of compensatory strategies. I meditate for 15-20 minutes every evening too. When I feel anxious, especially about things I can't control, I ask myself if I'm okay right here and now, and how likely it is that I'll still be okay for the next few hours or days.
There's also the approach where one considers the worst and best case scenarios, and what's most likely to happen. Generally what comes to mind are circumstances I've already experienced and survived.
I hope you've feeling a bit less lost, now that you're here.
I don't do much listening due to my schedule, but I like exchanging messages, so if you think it'd be helpful, feel free to message me.