Jumping into the Deep End

45 single male here.

Some may find what I am going through to be positive and good, but for me, it is very dangerous and can lead to a failure I can not recover from.

I am seeing my psychologist tomorrow, I hope she can help me with this, and I have no clue what I am going to address tomorrow so.

I am going to sell my family home I inherited in about 3-5 years. It is past time I leave, and either move north an hour away if I can find the land I want to build on, or just leave the state completely. One factor that is stressing me out is whether can I handle moving away from my elderly dad. My siblings have given me the okay to do it, but still, it is a choice I have to decide and live with.

I plan on finding land that I is dirt cheap, hopefully remote, and no trees so I can set up a true off-grid place to live. Hopefully with both solar power and a water well.  I have been researching this for years now. And am beginning to look into what it would actually cost, along with living in a 40ft shipping container. So basically I have to a dollar amount written down as to how much it will cost me to buy land, pay the initial taxes, and get the off-grid set up I need to survive frugally. one I have that amount, I then move on to figuring out if how much it will cost me to start my own coffee business I have a few numbers already, but once I make up my mind which way I want to go in the coffee world I'll need those numbers.

Then once I have both of those numbers, I can do the math on how much I have to get from the sell of my home to make all of that happen. Like rock bottom. An that is also including needing a storage unit and at least a month rental place to live at while my new place is being built and shipped.

That is a big number but I think I can get it.

The problem is let's say I have to choose between living frugally off-grid or starting my own coffee business, which do I choose, probably the coffee gig because then I can save up to get where I want to be, then it becomes where to live that will make it impossible for me to ever move.

The real problem is the business aspect if I can't make it work, to have a liveable income off of.

I am done.

There will be no more security blankets to rest on. It is either sink or swim and that is very literal.

Add to all of that, I have a mood disorder and other mental health issues I am dealing with, that I am being treated for, I have to rely on the VA for medical needs so that also means I have to be in driving distance of the local VA where ever I go. 

And I can not afford to get a college degree.

AN to kick it all off, the first thing I am doing in 2024 is getting a gastric bypass in hopes of getting my weight off and gaining enough energy to be remotely close to doing any of this.

At worst, once I am healed up and pretend I can't handle life, I still have to move because I am unemployed, and living off of a stipend by my family, which is not going to be sustainable to keep paying the property taxes on the home that I no longer want to live in. So bare minimum, I am buying an RV, and hitting the road until the money from the sell of the home runs out, and at that point, I will be stranded and homeless if I have not parked the RV somewhere remote that no one can find and report and have taken from me.

Please feel free to try and BS me some sparkle sunshine positivity as to how everything is going to be okay, at a minimum it will help you to not curl up into a corner and suck your thumb while rocking yourself into comfort.