My struggle with overthinking
I overthink everything. Even simple things, like walking, feel like a performance. I ask myself: Should I relax my shoulders? Should I push my chest out? Should I swing my arms slowly? It’s like my life has become an act.
This all started back in school. I was bullied in many ways, and one moment stuck with me. A classmate once made fun of the way I walked. Since that day, I’ve been obsessed with perfecting my walking style. That was ten years ago, and I still haven’t let it go.
Because of that bullying, I developed extreme anxiety. I live in constant fear of being judged or laughed at again. I never want that classmate situation to repeat.
It impacts my daily life a lot. I avoid social situations because I’m afraid of messing up. I want to make friends or talk to someone I like, but I freeze. My brain never rests—it’s always overthinking. I get constant headaches, and I can’t clear my mind.
Being in public is the hardest. I feel extreme anxiety, and even simple things become overwhelming. I end up feeling trapped inside my own thoughts.
Even in conversations, I struggle. I can’t keep up with them for too long. I just want to finish quickly and move on, as if the longer I stay, the more chances I have to mess up.
Since Covid, things have gotten worse. I don’t have friends anymore, and the only people I talk to are my family. But instead of supporting me, they judge me. I feel like I can’t live my life the way I want.
What I really want is to feel free—to walk without thinking, to stop performing, and to just be myself.
@Moshin
Sorry you are having to go through this, it's almost as if you are describing my younger years. But most of that has not changed for me. 😔
I know exactly how you feel as I have high social anxiety, suffer panic attacks, am highly introverted. I do not like to be around people for long but yet long for that one friend to be there for me, when I need someone to talk to.
Covid surly has made things worse for me, so you are not the only one.
I hope for you eventually things get better. For me, I am 60 and still struggle because of teenage trauma, bullying.
I'm here if you want to talk through things or not.
Sending lots of hugs your way. 🤗 🤗 🤗
@braindamag3
Sorry to hear that you go through the same, but you haven't recovered from this?
I really want to remove this from my life somehow, is there anyway I can do it? I am considering to get Therapy
@Moshin
There probably was a time in my life when things were good. Maybe back in my 30's, I had a different job, times were different. I was more comfortable in my own skin.
It's shaking the childhood/teen trauma that never seems to go away and is the main cause of me not wanting to be around people, males in general. I have a very hard time trusting any male. I tend to get along with females at work anyway.
@braindamag3
Things were normalish for you in 30s ? But did it get bad again later in life?
For me I can't even interact with female because again I fear of judgement and because since child, because of my culture my mind has created an image of female as a superior being. Soo when I interact with female I try to act more to be perfect and ovt and mess up everytime.
I hate how my brain is wired 😫
@Moshin
Yes, when I got a new job in a very large company (over 1000 employees). Then even worse a few years latter when I became manager. I am still a manager of a team of 5 employees but the only time I really talk to them is during our department meetings or when I have to give them special assignments.
After being with the same company for 25 years I have only one friend and not one friend outside of work.
It’s a tough mindset to get out of, I hate the days my mind races and all it does is cause my anxiety or I end up giving myself panic attacks