Relapse into anxiety due to stress at work
I've been struggling so much with anxiety these past couple of weeks. It's not the first time. I took antidepressants for five years because I had what I thought were panic attacks at the time. Now I know it was more anxiety than panic. I recently stopped taking the antidepressants because my psychiatrist and I agreed that I was ready. I was doing very well for about 6 months.
Now work has become so overwhelming that I'm afraid that I'll need to go back on medication if something doesn't give soon. I work in ticket sales for a fairly big event location. I'm sort of a team leader or manager, you could say. I used to have a full team supporting me. Almost all of them have quit due to personal reasons and better job opportunities elsewhere. My boss wants to hire a bunch of helps and interns now instead of full-time employees which is just not the same. I tried to talk to him about it but he thinks it's enough to handle the workload. I do a lot of unpaid overtime as it is and have to help out on my days off more often than not. This has been going on for over 2 months.
Quitting my job is not really an option either. I've been applying elsewhere for way longer than it has been this bad because I don't love being a manager. I don't want the responsibility, I don't want to work overtime several times a week, I don't want messages and calls during my time off or when I'm on vacation or sick. I've been rejected or "waitlisted" everywhere so far.
I'm now nervous all the time. I randomly start crying throughout the day which honestly, is a relief every time and makes me feel better for a bit. I wish I could cry more often, it seems to help. I struggle with eating because I can't always get myself to make food. I manage two small meals a day at the moment.
Getting a therapist is almost impossible in my country, the wait times are way over 6 months for an opening. I'm trying the breathing exercises, the youtube videos with a bunch of advice on how to get a handle on this. I don't want to go back on medication.
I'm not expecting any help here but just typing this makes me feel a little better, just like the crying.
@CranberryBliss
Hey there! I cannot imagine the amount of stress and pressure you have been under managing these work expectations for two months. That is a long time to have so much anxiety! It sounds like you are trying to do what you can think of to help with the anxiety and stress, like breathing exercises and crying, and that’s awesome. It sucks that you have to wait at least 6 months to see a therapist. That would be so frustrating! It sounds like there aren’t a lot of boundaries with your boss about them respecting all of the extra time you are putting in to work, and I know those work boundaries aren’t easy to set. I also hear you say that eating has become a challenge, and I get that; if I were in your shoes I don’t know if I would have much of an appetite. I really hope you can get enough food, even if it means setting reminders for snacks throughout the day. When your brain isn’t fueled it has less of a chance to respond positively to stress. You mentioned crying helps release some of that tension and those built up emotions. I wonder if you could find other ways to get that release too, like journaling, since you talked about even writing out your post helped. Maybe there is a playlist you could listen to before or after work, or in times where the stress feels overwhelming, that could be soothing or some of your favorite songs. You are doing an amazing job just by showing up for yourself every day, and I’m so proud of you!
@Carly23 you are so kind, thank you. Eating is definitely an issue I have to work on very urgently since I find myself getting a little weak and nauseated during the day. I haven't tried journaling, I usually don't have the patience to do it consistently. I listen to music a lot and watch music videos and performances by my favorite bands very regularly because it makes my brain go quiet.
My coworker asked me today if I think she'd make a good assistant manager and I said, honestly, you can have my position if you want. I'll talk to my boss next week about maybe transferring some responsibilities to my coworker and if that goes well, maybe we can switch. I'd do much better being an assistant manager to her than having the manager position myself. I know he thinks highly of her so I hope he'll go for that. It would be an incredible relief to me and I wouldn't have to look for a new job. I'm a little less nervous today than I was yesterday, so there is that.
I am so glad to hear you are prioritizing your limits and your mental health in work. That’s not easy! It sounds like you have a good path forward with possibly starting to transfer some responsibilities to your coworker and be her assistant manager instead. Wishing you the best of luck with that!
I hear you about having a hard time eating, and it does sound concerning. If you aren’t getting as many hunger cues or find yourself doing other things instead of eating, maybe try the suggestion I gave about setting reminders on your phone to eat. If I find myself not able to get as much nutrition in, I like drinking nutritional supplements; there’s nothing to prepare ahead of time so there’s less anxiety about making food or eating a large quantity. If this really concerns you or you find yourself experiencing more symptoms, I would recommend talking to a doctor or dietician to make sure your body is getting all the fuel it needs. You are powering through so much right now and your brain and body need some fuel to keep up!
@CranberryBliss, it's okay that recovery isn't linear. We unfortunately will always approach obstacles even when we are feeling better, its another test on your strength. and you survived all of your hardest battles so far