3am thoughts
Im 24, still a university student, and feeling lost. Many of my peers have graduated, started careers, or achieved milestones like financial independence and travel. Despite understanding that everyone has their own path, I feel like a failure for not meeting these timelines. As someone who grew up as an achiever, college has been a struggle really, given that my program is hard to begin with. im just barely surviving academically.
I envy my friends’ successes, not out of malice, but because I wish I were in their position. Dont get me wrong, I dont wish ill for others. Its just that, I feel little knowing that i have the same age as them. As an only child, I feel the weight of my parents’ expectations. Sometimes I punish myself, like through self-starvation, blaming myself for not striving hard enough before.
I know my mind is becoming unhealthy and Im not happy with it. I would cry to sleep because I don't have someone to share my feelings with. My friends also have different battles with different mindsets and I'm not really comfortable with sharing them. That's why I only keep this to myself, always.
this is me releasing a fuse because it's 3am and I can't sleep
@Sheimi It sounds like you’re carrying a lot on your shoulders, and I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. College can be incredibly tough, and it’s easy to compare yourself to others, but your journey isn’t less valuable just because it’s different. You’re still pushing forward, still working hard that’s not failure, that’s resilience. I know it’s hard when you feel like you have no one to share this with, but you’re not alone. You don’t have to go through this all by yourself. Please be kind to yourself you don’t deserve punishment, you deserve support and care. Your worth isn’t defined by how fast you finish school or where you are compared to others. It’s okay to take things at your own pace
I started college after 3 yrs of gap and i feel the same i get anxious, college feels like burden and when i see my friends already graduating it’s not jealousy but guilt that i feel for myself but in this journey to college I grew alot maybe not academically but mentally. I am slow i am anxious. There are times when i feel like I should have figured things out by now. I hate it when someone reminds me that i am fallen behind yrs but then again i remind my self that it’s okay not everyone can figure out things fast and i am taking my time to choose the best for me and good things takes time. Also i am learning and growing. Maybe it takes me more time that others but It doesn’t mean I won’t get there progress isn’t always fast. I have my struggles but i also have determination and no matter how slow my journey is i will reach that finish line, certainly.
