Analysis paralysis rant (post breakup)

I’m almost 26 and it’s been almost 2 weeks since I ended my 5 year relationship. He betrayed me, disrespected me multiple times even when I drew hard boundaries for what I find disrespectful, didn’t care to prioritize progressing the relationship (we never lived together and only had 1 sleepover per week) and acted like I was asking the world of him when I said I expected things to progress faster than they were. I broke up with him around the 4 year mark but he did the whole “I’ll change come back!” song and dance and I fell for it and wasted more time. Now here I am wondering what is wrong with me that I accepted that treatment and let my emotions instead of logic make decisions for me. I want to find someone to marry ideally by the time I’m 30 and have kids and I just wasted so much of my youth on an insecure loser. How can I trust myself to choose wisely going forward when I put myself in this situation?

Anyways now to the crux of my anxiety: decision paralysis about the future. As I said, one of my main life goals has always been to settle down and start a family. However, the entirety of how well that goes hinges on me choosing the right person. My entire future happiness and future children’s wellbeing hinges on ONE PERSON. I always see advice like “focus on yourself” and “be happy and fulfilled alone” but I can’t marry and impregnate myself so unfortunately my fulfillment in life is very limited on my own. Yes I travel, have friends, have 2 degrees, do hobbies, work, have a life and all that but it is not what truly fulfills me. I want someone to build a life with and without that everything else just feels like a means to an end.

The decision paralysis comes in when I consider how to move forward from this. I’m in no rush to date again, but the fact is that I’m almost 26 and if I want to be married by 30 (mainly due to the dating pool shrinking after that age but not a completely lost cause imo) I only have 4 years to find someone. I want to take my time to see all sides of someone before marriage which realistically would take 2-3 years and that works with my timeline if I somehow get lucky and find someone compatible fast after I start dating again. Realistically, it could take another few failed relationships or years with the wrong people before I find someone worth settling down with. I feel so rushed and like I’m on a time crunch with my life flying by. I don’t want to settle out of desperation but I also want to create a good future for myself that I feel fulfilled in. In order to do that I’ll have to take a gamble on someone eventually but I’m terrified of being betrayed or disrespected again or even worse falling back into my mindset of staying with someone out of comfort and familiarity even though I deserved better. It feels like I’m overanalyzing every possible outcome and every little thing that could go wrong to the point that I feel hopeless. The *** reality is that no matter how careful I am or how much I analyze my choices I can still get screwed over anyway. I hate feeling so out of control, I hate that I want a future that requires me to gamble on someone else to make it happen, I hate that I can’t just be in control of it myself.

If you’ve read all that, thanks for listening to my rant.