Anxiety

Anxiety, OCD, DPDR all the intrusive thoughts and feeling so disconnected you can’t even recognize yourself in the mirror, you can’t feel, you don’t feel the love for your family yourself or anything around you. I’ve been struggling with it all for the past 2 years I’ve gotten stuck on always trying to better myself, everything I do is to try to make myself feel better when can I just live? No worries, no overthinking. At one point I was doing better, still getting out of the house forcing myself to do things I had no energy to do “fake it till you make it” I got my head so wrapped around thinking myself out trying everything possible I’ve ever seen to do to get rid of the thoughts and feelings but it only feeds onto it more all the searching all the trying to get it to stop has only make it my life every action I made was to cure myself, every thought was trying to get it to go away it became such an obsession. It’s so crazy what your mind can make you believe and how it affects your body so much. Search something specific up, see something else to get obsessed over. Therapy is good to let everything out, but never really worked for me. I don’t get out anymore, I don’t communicate anymore the dpdr has gotten so strong I can’t tell if I’m real or not, awake or not. It’s so scary and frustrating to go about life when you feel dead inside and everything looks so blurry and unreal. I hope everyday that it’ll just go away that something inside of me with click and I won’t feel this anymore. I’ve always had anxiety and OCD a panic attack I had 2 years ago ruined me. But that’s just the thing I made myself believe it was so much more than it was because after that panic attack? Everything was okay every single time but in your mind you fear it , you do everything you can to not have another and that’s where the loop starts. You give the anxiety power it’ll take control. But what you always need to realize is you’re the one in control. Thoughts and feelings are incredibly hard to change. It takes a lot of work, it’ll take all the energy you have in you but all you need is hope. I struggle every single day every second most times I want to rip my brain out but I always remind myself that life is always what I make it. My choices is what got me here, I don’t have the energy or strength but if you don’t have hope to make it out then you don’t have anything. This is just a rant, I never speak any of this to anyone, not family, not therapy. Nothing