Anxiety

Hi everyone. Since I was little I always enjoyed video games. It has brought me joy and pleasure + social interactions on ***. I'm in a small group (and some bigger) of people who actively play games and chat together and we are thriving.

It's like therapy for me, chilling and chatting with likeminded people while immersing myself into a story where I'm a hero while shutting out any hellscape in the outside world. However I've been a loner pretty much my whole life as I've struggled a lot with social interactions and cues which has made me feel lonely due to my disorders.

Few years ago I dropped out of studies because I felt like it was a huge step for me after I've failed multiple exams because I didn't study enough. I don't have a job, so I have full free time and I spend on what I enjoy most which are home activities like video games and watching football

As of right now I'm feeling a bit behind in life, feeling I'm missing out on things people my age get to experience because of me not prioritising myself correctly. Gaming has basically been a coping mechanic to let it ease my awful thoughts but sometimes I feel like i should use my time more wisely

I've dedicated this year to change myself. I've lost some weight, last month I've started reading and I've been walking every day last 6 days and started showering each day

Still I can't get over my anxious thoughts of regretting not spending my time wisely before.

I apologise if the writings are messy but I'm stressing a bit right now