Anxiety and sadness loop

Hi, just want to vent out. I recently realized how my emotions were blocking my energy. It has been my pattern of overthinking each and everything in detail and then this good girl syndrome wherein I am the best person and do everything with so much authenticity and my overthinking was like replaying each and every conversation be in with anyone and what went wrong. It kept happening until I maintained my emotional log. The emotions were taking control to the extent that I was not able to do anything and the emotional suppression was to such an extent which is also because I am a girl and was always performing like a guy. To me being called a girl and be in its limit felt like an abuse. This overthinking and overanalysing made me living in a shell because I developed hatred towards people like I am doing everything but nobody is happy expecting them to take care of some royal person as I am such a good person but was not doing any karma for myself or even fulfilling my responsibility. This became a loop. Now, it feels what do I do people are achieving so much in life and I am just stuck in this petty issue and blaming everyone for my situation. This constant feeling of anxiety and being left behind is making me lazy and also this uncertainty of future of what do I do and I need energy to start again from the initial point and it sounds so petty if I have to explain someone for what have you been doing all your life.