Anxious thoughts

I never thought I’d end up like this. I’m 19 years old and I was working on webc@m platforms, searching for that special happiness that comes from big money.

I immediately realized my mistake: there was someone who was taking all the money for himself, and I was in terrible psychological shape from what I was doing, so I quit.

But after a while, I started receiving messages from fake and anonymous people, sending photos of me from my streams, threatening to leak them (which they did, publishing them on my college’s public channel) and blackmailing me with money.

At first, I couldn’t sleep peacefully and was afraid to pick up my phone, but over time I calmed down more or less, not to say completely. Any hint of this situation still makes me shake.

Today, I decided to face my fear and typed my nickname into a search engine. Not my best decision: my explicit videos are on dozens of different sites that I don’t have access to or the right to delete.

I can’t handle the thought that anyone could see me like this, fallen so low. I regret that I was so stupid and I am tormented by the thought that it might be easier to disappear completely than to try to cleanse myself of this shame.