Any Advice?

@fearlessGrapes2866 This is gonna be a somewhat long response. When i read your post, i teared up a little, because i too had some intrusive thougts in the past. I was also like you, afraid and ashamed of myself, and desperate to "prove" myself and others that what crossed my mind was a lie, and it wasn´t me. I didnt do what are called "compulsions" as you do, unless you agree that returning to a certain subject or thought again and again to try to "solve it" is also a compulsion. 

First off, please do not feel like theres something wrong with you, theres not. Doesnt matter what the graphic images or thouthgs are about. It even doesnt matter if it is followed by a physical reaction. It took me some time to understand theres a difference between thinking about something and actually BEIGN or AGREEING with that something. Your mind works kinda like a big computer or machine that processes a LOT of information every milisecond, what we see, do or say has an impact on what we think, but is not even close to being ALL of it. So, most of what you think or imagine, including your intrusive thoughts, ARENT YOU. 

Again, there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not alone at all. More people than you think have intrusive thoughts about different subjecs from time to time. However, these actions you do trying to "undo them" are acting the same way as any other compulsion from OCD (im not saying you have OCD, just saying the process is similar). The action doesnt stop the thought, it actually reinforces a connection in your brain, making you more likely to think about it again, so you repeat the action, and again, and again. And with time, you will have to do more actions or compulsions to calm your mind and distract the thought, but you will only make it stronger, and have more impact on you and your life. 

It is hard, but you have to ignore these thoughts and their possible implications. You may think that if you do not do the compulsion, or entertain the thought, or have a whole imaginary debate with yourself about why it is not true, or try to stop it in some way, that you are accepting its meaning. Like "If i dont worry about this horrible thing that i thought, that means i am okay with that horrible thing, so i am a horrible person" But that is not true, thats just another lie. And actually, is the way to start thinking less and less about them.

Im not a therapist, nor i am nothing close to being an expert about this. Im just another person who had intrusive thoughts (still do, but much much less and sparse than before) and as such, i can recommend you only what worked in my own experience, but know that only you know what is best for you in this moment in your life.

-Write your thoughts, maybe journal or even just a piece of paper you later burn or trash. Be as explicit or vague about it as you want or are comfortable with (i know that sometimes reading my own thougths has been triggering for me). 

-Talk about your thoughts with someone you truly trust and who truly knows you. Dont know if you have already, it took more time than it should to talk about it with my closest family members. It is really scary, because you think that they are gonna judge you because of these intrusive things. But youll be surprised to see that people, those who truly know you for who you are, they dont believe these thoughts you are fearing. Talking about them, even if is uncomfortable because of the graphic nature or moral impplications they may carry, its liberating in a way. You are giving them less importance when you dont see them as these big secrets you have to carry on yourself. Theres is nothing to be ashamed about, because they are not you. And if others can understand that and support you, you with time will be able too. 

If you are religious (i am) you can always talk to God about it. You may be feeling you sinned because of what these thougths are about and not want to come closer to God out of shame. But you havent. I believe that part of why i am in a better place today is because i came to God for forgiveness and shelter.

-If the compulsions are too hard to let go, you may have to look into therapy to look for other ways to confront these thoughts in more healthy ways. I dont know much about this, because i didnt had any physical compulssions, but there may be more information about it out there. 

-Lastly, patience. With yourself, with your process and with your mind. I dont know how old are you nor how long have you been dealing with this, but most things in life require time to heal and get back on track. Your mind has developed this habit, this cyclic route it is more used to do (Intrusive thougth - fear and shame - compulsion - more intrusive thoughts) and to redo the way your mind goes about it, the way your mind does this route, its gonna be at times slow, and cyclic. But with time, you will have less and less of these thoughts. Sometimes, they will appear with strentght and scare you for a minute, but then you will be able to forget about them more and more easily. Its different for everyone, for each mind. But being compassionate with yourself and having patience will help you to not despair when after some time of peace, a new intrusive thougth appears. 

I hope this one long answer wasnt a bother to read, i just really wanted to help as much as i could from where i am. And if theres something you should always remember is that you are what you choose to be, not what these intrusive thoughts tell you. I wish the best for you. 

PS: sorry for any typos or mistakes, english isnt my first language.