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Heu I'm Sasha I'm 13 years old and I need advice those are my problems

I often feel like I’m not really present, as if I’m in a dream or a movie. When I enter a room full of people, I sometimes disconnect completely, unable to move forward, like my body just shuts down — it feels like derealization or a shutdown. I’m very introverted and often nonverbal unless I’m really close to someone. Eye contact is difficult for me; I usually look away because it makes me uncomfortable. Even when I’m surrounded by people, I feel isolated. I sometimes cry without understanding why, even in class, like my emotions suddenly overflow. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself — I feel like I’m pretending to be someone else: more outgoing, funny — but deep down, I know it’s not me. I’ve cried over my gender, because I don’t always feel comfortable with it. I also struggle with insomnia and have trouble falling asleep. I experience strong emotional reactions, especially when I feel frustrated or overwhelmed, and I sometimes have intense thoughts that are difficult to manage. I’ve had moments when life felt too heavy, and I've had suicidal thoughts, but I’ve never acted on them. I’m very sensitive to loud noises and sudden movements, and my body often trembles when I’m anxious. I’m strict about following rules that I find meaningful — if I’m given a schedule or a task, I follow it exactly, and I like to be precise, even when giving the time. I love maps, and I feel safe in my bubble, reading manhwas, novels, writing, or watching anime. I was bullied in elementary school because of my skin color and my eyes. People called me names, and now my skin is getting lighter, and my features are changing, which frustrates me. I was often criticized about my body. I remember crying in the bathroom when I was just five. I also experienced sexual abuse when I was very young, and I remember dissociating during the incident — like I wasn’t really there, as if my mind had to disconnect to protect me. My parents used to force me to straighten my curly hair, and now, because of some teachers' comments, I feel pressured to straighten it again, even though I prefer to wear it naturally. I live under constant academic and family pressure — I have to be the best, or I get punished. Ever since my younger brother was born, I’ve taken care of him like a second mother because my mom was often tired. My sister is always among the top students, which adds even more pressure. My grades used to be very high, but a recent drop to 15.69 made my mom really upset. I’m aroace and fictosexual in a Muslim household, and no one knows. I’m often expected to behave and dress in a certain way. Recently, my phone was taken away, and that added a lot more stress. I often find it hard to express what I’ve been through or how I feel. When I like a character, real or fictional, I need to learn everything about them. I notice a lot of signs in myself that resemble autism: strict routines, intense and narrow interests, difficulty adapting, sensory sensitivity, emotional regulation issues, hyperfocus, difficulty understanding others’ perspectives, and switching “personas” depending on the situation. I also see signs of ADHD: losing things, fidgeting, trouble managing time, feeling overwhelmed. People say I make impulsive purchases, but I always stick to my budget because I follow rules I believe in. I try not to miss any detail and stay very attentive. I have weird phobies I'm sensitive to a lot of textures an sounds . I have some teachers (5) who are racist toward me .One of my teachers( not a racist one) talked about me to her niece who studies psychology in the U.S., and she offered to connect me with her. I think it could be a good opportunity to talk to someone understanding. I also have a teacher ho told me that he did psychology in collge so he can help me .