I can't sleep
I can't sleep and I think about "love." Why do we look for someone who doesn't love us to love us? My father looks for me to love him and I look for my mother to do the same, even though she tells me she loves me, but I think, "Does she say 'I love you' so easily because it's easy for her to say it and not because she does it?" It's hard for me to say "I love you." It's a very valuable word that isn't said lightly. Why do I want them to love me? Even though they tell me, why don't I feel it? Why do I look to please?
@millid011 Hello... and welcome to 7 Cups 😊Â
Judging by the title of your post I expected a conversation about sleeping problems, but I think you've touched a very important question.
First, I think there is nothing wrong in expecting love from our parents. Nevertheless, I believe it changes with time. I've noticed that when we grow up from the young age, especially when we become parents to our own children, we may stop to perceive ourselves as those who expect love, and start to see us as those who are to give love. Being a parent is not "an investment" - it's a gift - it is your unsolicited obligation to love your children, even if you have no right to require to be loved back.
Showing love and affection might be a cultural matter. For example, I imagine it may be quite common to say "Love you" in North America, but it could also be overused as an empty word, a polite "conversation filler". In my country I've heard those words from my father once in all my life. My mother was using it more often, but I knew it was her way of controlling me. I say to my teenage children I love them every time I see them. But also I try to not exaggerate, for those words to not "lose their power and meaning" by being used too often - so it seems I agree with you on that.
Do I understand it correctly from your message that you expect feeling loved by your mother, and your father expects being loved by you? May I ask how do you see the relationship between your parents? Do they love each other? From my experience we may feel confused while the marriage between our parents may evolve into a "broken link".
However, I believe it is good and natural to have a desire of loving and caring towards someone. And it's also good needing to be loved. It makes us humans.
You seem to be a thoughtful person, so I'd be curious to hear more about your reflections on that 😊Â