I can't understand my situation

Hey, I think I can relate to that. I get shaky when I feel intense emotions too, especially negative ones which I thankfully don't feel too often anymore. I'm not a professional and can only speak for myself, but in my case I think it's because I'm overwhelmed by what I'm feeling, which may be a mix of feelings at the same time depending on the situation, and it helps me to talk these things out, even if it is just to myself. I don't have many people to talk to, but I find it still helps a little, even if I did feel like I was totally insane talking to myself at first. If it helps, why not, right?

I also had times where I didn't seem to be capable of emotions, I just felt numb. First I thought I was depressed (and mildly I was), then I thought it was something else, but gradually I realized that I was just mentally and emotionally exhausted, and didn't see the point in expressing myself because I didn't think it mattered to anyone anyway. I felt cut off, and I also felt like others were a little offended and weirded out by my lack of reaction.

Again, I'm not a psychologist or anything, but what helped me in my situation was allowing myself to gradually feel again. I tried doing little things for myself that made me happy, but also allowed myself to feel the sad things too. I just thought I'd share that, and that I feel I've experienced something similar to what you're going through. You're not alone.