I'm struggling

Lately I've been feeling so depressed some days I feel like I'm okay the next day I'm worse I have a serious paranoia I feel like my partner will get tired of my pettiness and leave me I over analyze things, interpret them in my own way, I lose my cool out of the blue it a lot I see now I'm having a problem because of failed relationships I valued the most I lost my Childhood best friend and our separation was messy while I was dealing with a break up with the person I thought he will be my soulmate I think those experiences at the same time messed up my head when I have slightly inconvenience I snap sometimes I feel like dumping my boyfriend at the same time I love him and now I think I'm getting obsessed with idea of being married it's a lot.... 🤦‍♀️