Just venting/getting things off my chest

My anxiety has flared up this week. It doesn't help that I have had my birth control updated so my hormones will be all over the place for the next month or two anyway.

But I've not been doing some things at work, I physically cannot face it so I've buried my head in the sand and hyper focused on another task instead. It's really simple, my emails. Check them and respond. It's not my main job, it's just a small part of it. But I can't do it. My chest feels tight and I struggle with it. Well an important email was sent two weeks ago and I didn't pick up on it. I've been able to look at internal emails just not external. I don't know what has triggered me for my emails, I've been doing it for a couple of months now. But this week I feel awful for not doing that task. I've put my hands up for that missed email and expressed remorse to my superiors.

I'm not doing my best not to spiral, my therapy necklace is at home so I can't ground myself with it. So I've been listening to thunderstorms as I find them calming. It's not 100% working which is why I'm here, just trying to vent. I have set myself a target to try and get through 10 emails this afternoon at work and I'll reward myself with a small bit of chocolate.

Sometimes just writing things down can help. I don't know why opening an email is so scary to me right now. My head is so loud and yet numb and quiet at the same time.