Morbid Curiosity
Hi. I've been struggling with a problem that has been really annoying and terrible recently. I have become morbidly curious about gore/ similar things on the internet (random violent internet videos). I don't wanna be curious about this- movie and video game gore has never really affected me but l've never ever wanted to see real life violence. I can't help myself from being morbidly curious. I haven't seen anything much yet, but I want to stop before I do. I cut off all websites and social media on my phone but not on other devices which I can't. I really just don't wanna see gore but I can not for the life of me get rid of this nagging curiosity.
It started when I was watching a *** about the iron giant and a comment with a phrase. This phrase is used a lot around *** to express disliking towards somebody. On *** some comments can be clicked to search, and right there I wondered what l would see if I clicked it. I didn't, but I was super curious about it.
Eventually I just started looking up random things on *** to see what would come up, and eventually I looked up the phrase. Nothing came up but then I just got more curious. I went down a little rabbit hole on *** of looking up different things related to that like just
"gore" or other things like that. I didn't see anything bad- because *** is very strict- but then it spread to other less strict social media platforms. I started doing the same thing on YouTube and Reddit. The bad thing about those is that they actually do contain gore if you look- specifically Reddit. Again, I didn't see anything because I didn't look at anything that was obviously gore, but the curiosity was then there. To prevent seeing anything | blocked Reddit. And then I started looking up random websites out of similar curiosity... I eventually had to block all websites on safari. THEN, I looked it up on YouTube once again for some god forsaken reason and found a whole playlist of gory news broadcasts and other similar videos. I didn't look too much but there were extremely gory things albeit blurred. I was covering the screen with my hand so l didn't see anything clearly but I'm sure some of the videos were uncensored. So, I blocked YouTube.
The problem is I can't easily block YouTube on my TV and other devices.
I tried setting up a system where if I can resist the morbid curiosity for 3 days, I get back ***
*. 5 days I get back
YouTube. And if I resist for 10 days | get back full access other then certain very harmful sites like reddit. But it's not working very well. I don't know what to do! I wanna go back to how it was before, where just because I COULD see gore, I didn't want to and wasn't curious. Sorry if this is long. All the censored words are TikTok.
Hello. It sounds like a nightmare. Scary gory content can be fascinating in a way because it is taboo. Why do you not want to watch gore though? I can sense it’s so annoying when the more you resist, the more you crave for gory content. I wonder if there’s something that can distract you from watching gore.
I can see you are craving gory content so much that you kept searching for it. It’s good that you tried blocking some websites containing gore. You deserve a pat on your back.
Is it ok if you prevent yourself from searching gore all together? I am really curious in particular about what are the thoughts you have that made you feel like you can’t hold back anymore and start watching gore content again.
I wouldn’t say I’m craving it, more just really curious about it. Most likely because it is taboo. Usually the thought process is I see/hear something that gives me a question, like “what is this video?” And then I can’t stop thinking about that question even if I don’t wanna look into it. I was thinking it might be a good idea to watch a video explaining gory content online to maybe take away some curiosity without looking for myself?
