New Here
Hello.
I've been struggling with trust for many years. I understand that my mistrust in people is due to the yeara of trauma that I have had. It's recently gotten in the way of my relationship with my significant other. He is a wonderful man that treats me how I should have always been treated; he's given me no reason to not trust him. Yet, I found myself waiting until he went to sleep to go through his phone to find something, anything. I feel that if I found something, versus being told about it later, I would better be able to prepare myself for the worst and prepare myself for the hurt. I don't want to lose him because of this. He says that everything is okay and that he is here for me and to help me with whatever I need, but his actions are showing me that I am pushing him away. He deserves more than that. He has no issue with me getting on his phone, he said anytime I want to see it, all I have to do is ask. But I want to be able to trust him to the point I don't care what he is doing on his phone. He comes at it from the perspective that if I'm going to hurt him, than I'm going to hurt him. He doesn't want to find anything, not that there would ever be anything. He'd rather be "Blissfully Ignorant." I feel that if I get that way, Something will happen and I'll be made a fool..
I just need help and someone to talk to that can help me..
Thank you!
@CorrectionalChaos4770 Older person here 50+ I'm sorry you are going through this. However if you can wiggle, squirm, take baby steps, inch your way outta this and back to feeling you are a person worth having a relationship with, you will be set free, empowered, liberated from the past patterns and experience peace of mind more often than not and boy do us trauma survivors deserve it. You are just starting out, young, many lessons to learn and may they be gentle ones. Keep going. Keep living and risking. Be brave and wear your heart and hurts on your sleeve when you feel it's safe to or needed to help someone learn for your hard lessons. From one human to another... "I'm proud of you for communicating your fears to your important people and I encourage you to continue to be open, honest and direct in regards to how people can help support you while you heal up enough to overcome the impulse to check, the fear of abandonment, and build up your self worth to the point it's unshakeable. I'm going to leave you with an extremely powerful tool that my grandma taught me while I was going through a nasty divorce. She asked "What are you getting out of this? All this yelling, all this heartache, all this trying to control people, all this anger, all the hostility and fear, all the wasted time and energy?" I of course was like "WTF!?, what do you mean, nothing, I'm getting nothing but upset"...ahh there it is, "getting upset" was what I was getting out of it. What do you get outta checking phones? What do you get out of fearing your dude is gonna get sick of you and bolt? What are you getting out of the story you tell yourself that puts you in the role of the person people leave behind? What is the root trauma of all of this? Virtual hugs to you!! May you overcome and rise above.