Past Trauma and Regret

I was the top student from nursery to grade 9. In grade 10, I failed the pre-board exam in optional math, and my principal advised I move to a hostel to focus before boards. While there, I was doing well, but I acted out, scaring the other boys with strange voices, leading to a misunderstanding about witchcraft. My parents, who were at a family wedding, rushed to get me and took me to a traditional healer. Eventually, I was taken to the hospital and prescribed neurological medicine, which I’ve been on for 2.5 years.

As I’ve grown, I regret those actions and the worry I caused my parents, who sacrificed so much for me. My father worked tirelessly to support our family, and now I understand their love better. Despite my past, I did well on my board exams with a 3.50 GPA and continued succeeding in Class 11 and 12, scoring 3.64 GPA. My parents felt science would stress me, so I pursued computer science and am now studying BCA, but I sometimes wonder if I’d have been better off with science.

I’m filled with regret, feeling like I let myself and my family down with my past behavior. Now, I carry the lessons from those mistakes, and I am determined to make my parents proud.

I want a counsellor but can't afford. I want someone to motivate me or help me out to take me out of a ***. I cry each night for the ***.