School anxiety & sadness

I feel down because I left my old school due to bad mental health and I told people I left so everyone would stop asking why I’m not at school but everyday I was constantly pray and hide hoping I won’t get spotted by friends and I felt scared.

Right now I’m at a new school it’s been 2 years and I’m finish year 11 in a few weeks and I’m happy and proud of everything but now I just saw a video of my old school doing the leavers trend and it made me sad thinking how much I’ve missed out , idk why. Even at my new school I get talked about and looked at and have no friends.

But I try not to care about my old school and all school in general and about not making friends in school also sometimes I feel like I wanna go sixth form but that’s not a good and realistic path for me so I tell myself that everyone has to leave school and move on with their life , also in a few years time loads of friends won’t talk to eachother and we will all just work forgetting about everything . So that kinda comforts me ( not in a weird way ) it helps get rid of the feeling “I wish I had friends and stayed at my old school “

It’s kinda helping but I still feel a bit empty so I’m just venting on here.

Hope every one has a good day :)