Struggling to feel love and acceptance

I'm new to the app and the world of online therapy.

Since childhood I've been the confidante of an alcoholic borderline personality disorder mother. As a child, I felt special for being "the chosen one" (my siblings weren't aware of my mother's struggles). My mother has since passed away (with many secrets only I know).

Growing up, I discovered I was somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum. It felt wrong, coming from a convential environment. My sister married a woman just as I had my first serious relationship also with a same sex partner. I've been hiding my orientation for the longest time, knowing how my sister was persecuted my family and the community (not all known to her) and also because my mother (a well-known author) use my sister's story as writing material.

I'm 41 years old. I've been in relationships with both sexes, but mostly women. My relationships have all been struggling as I mostly feel a lot of empathy for others, but struggle to get or feel empathy and emotional support in relationships. I always feel very attracted to people who are vulnerable and in need of help.

I've been living and working in various countries abroad for most of my adult life. I thrive on the high of new experiences and anonymity. Most of the countries I've live in have been strictly religious due to the nature of my work.

I'm not sure if my lifestyle is sustainable.

Great to meet you all!