Telephobia/Phone Anxiety
This is one topic that many people probably never understand. I have telephobia, fear of making or receiving phone calls, video calls especially, and it also includes making voice notes. Recently I have started trying to make very small steps, recording a part of a story I like to a voice note, and sending it to a friend. Because it wasn't a direct conversation I felt slightly more comfortable. But the fear of actually talking to someone, it's crippling, since I also suffer from social anxiety and I am overall anxious. I am a neurodivergent, and recently someone had upset and triggered me by calling this fear irrational and stupid, and I had no idea how to react.... I really don't know how to handle this anymore. It feels as if some people don't recognize this as an actual real fear, just like arachnophobia or things like that. It's real.
@TearsOfPearls
I believe your fear might be some quite healthy response to the dangers of the modern living.
I was afraid of using a phone when I was a teenager. In the 1980s there was usually only one (wired) phone in the entire neighborhood and it looked to me like a devil's invention.
Now we are too often talking to this stupid little boxes, not meeting anybody in person, not talking over a cup of tea or having a walk together, avoiding eye contact, not touching, not sensing the scent of another human or feeling his breath or the warmth of her body.
I like your neurodiversity as the right answer to today's world of cold and distance 😊
Myself also being not a great fan of either talking through the telephone or any video meetings. Usually they make me closed and anxious, except talking to my best friends.
That is so true, it is said to connect people, but actually what it really does is disconnect people.. I also grew up without having a phone, until my late teens, when internet started booming.... And even though before that I would always have this fear when for instance my sister called the landlines and I was called over to talk to her.. I never took easy to phones. I find it easier to talk through text. Which is also why I signed up for this app, because I felt I really needed the help but I wasn't going to get it 1 on 1 or through a video / phone call because of my social anxiety and this fear.. Thank you so much for this advice and understanding, it really makes me feel less alone about things... I only recently started to try and take the first steps in getting better.. And I hope that eventually, things will change. May things for you also get better and I appreciate the reaching out.
@TearsOfPearls
Actually, I have usually thought of my attitude rather as of a matter of preferences, not as of a problem. Sometimes my friends or family members prefer talking to writing, so I am talking to them. But, yes, I often catch myself postponing things that require talking through a phone. For me any other way of communicating is preferable, too 😉
I've been aware of the fact that Western culture is not a world standard. So it's alright to be neither a phone lover, nor "look straight into my eyes" type of a person. For example, in Japan avoiding eye contact may be regarded as being polite, and too much eye contact can be rude. Did you know about it?
There is a nice proverb saying that friendship or loving is not about staring into somebody's eyes, but looking into the same direction.
However, yes, I can truly understand it may make you feel anxious to be pressed upon to instantly react in one-to-one conversation or not comfortable to be seen by a stranger from a small screen and tiny camera in front of you.
Do you have any plans or ideas that could include accepting yourself as a person who is not very fond of talking through a phone, but at the same time taming your anxiety in social contacts? I think your being here is a good start 😊 👍
It's funny that the way I grew up it was taught to be rude if you don't look at someone when they talk to you or avoid eye contact, so that gave me more anxiety because I have this severe social anxiety and struggle with that. I read that this is very much related to stage fright, feeling like all eyes are on you, and you are in the center, causing embressment. I think in school I developed this fear because I was called a cry baby 😅
I have some sort of control when I am out with my dad, as long as I don't have to make contact or talk to other people. As a previous commenter said, this whole phobia may be related to severe social anxiety, and it made me think, because it indirect way of socializing it may have a connection. I am still not sure how to work on it. But I may try to start making small calls to a friend abroad, see how it goes... Just the thought gives me anxiety. But if I don't try something I will always have this fear. I find it beautiful that I always thought the most special moments is sitting next to someone, watching over the waters, watching the clouds, or the sunset, no need to talk, just having that comfort to sit there, and enjoy the peace. I always found that part of the culture so alluring and wishing it was easier like that, the polite respect and understanding that it doesn't always have to be just looking at another person, but also just sitting alongside them, even in comfortable silence.
However I don't think the social anxiety will ever go away, maybe I will get used to integrate into society over time. I am a loner and was bullied in my early years, and then home schooled, took care of my sick mother for years, and never worked with the public... So maybe even all this factors lead to the issues I have today..
@TearsOfPearls it's very very real ❤ I never speak on a phone or open my own mail. It's just nerve wracking, and I always expect bad news 🙁 I'm ok speaking to people who are with me as long as I don't look at their face. I'm not sure I know how we can get out of this either, but just know your not alone in this ❤gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ I hope things will get easier for you really soon ❤
Same! I usually avoid eye contact because I am scared people will see how I really feel, or judge me.. I rarely go into my emails too, and even just a small doctors appointment call can make me feel like it's the end of the world... Because I always end up scrapping up the words nervously.. I grew up being told I have to get over these fears and stop being like this, and something I never did. Thanks for reaching out, it means so much to know I really am not alone, and that my feelings are valid. Aww and giant tiny hug for you too. Thanks for listening, I am trying to take small steps at a time, hopefully one day I will be able to look back at the mountain and realized I finally climbed it... May things get better for you also. Best wishes!! 💛💛💛
@TearsOfPearls
I don't think I had an actual telephobia, but I did struggle with severe social anxiety and am now getting better. One of my biggest fears/problems were calls and also especially video calls, which made the pandemic a personal ***. So I guess I can somewhat understand you? I get why it's scary, even if your fear might be much stronger than mine was.
What helped me were mostly meds, therapy and step-by-step confrontation. I also started with short voicemails, in the beginning just to myself, then later forwarding some to friends. At some point my general anxiety was already much better and I decided to try calls, so I first talked to my boyfriend (a really close friend would also do) about my fears and then we somehow just did it. The first few calls were terrifying, but it somehow became a routine and you know, routines are very important for me, so that somehow helped. Video calls still freak me out, but I got to the point where I can sit in a *** call with multiple friends, pick up our phone without even knowing who's calling and even make some important calls myself.
I'm sorry that I talk so much about myself, but I thought, maybe you can find something that could help you as well. It might take more time for you, but it can get better <3
Actually this helped a lot and gave me some perspective on things I can try to work on. I have a close friend, even if she lives across the ocean, she understands my fear for phone calls and doesn't judge me, and never forces me to try and call or make voice notes. However I think you are right, I should start somewhere, maybe even with her— it's easier though to talk to family over a phone but I realized even if I do I get agitated quickly and just want to get it over with. You are so right that it has so much more to do with severe social anxiety! I definitely have that... Thanks for this, really have me some constructive opinions. <3
Actually this helped a lot and gave me some perspective on things I can try to work on. I have a close friend, even if she lives across the ocean, she understands my fear for phone calls and doesn't judge me, and never forces me to try and call or make voice notes. However I think you are right, I should start somewhere, maybe even with her— it's easier though to talk to family over a phone but I realized even if I do I get agitated quickly and just want to get it over with. You are so right that it has so much more to do with severe social anxiety! I definitely have that... Thanks for this, really have me some constructive opinions. <3
