When the “self help resources” feel like they just aren’t cutting it

PSA I am not in a crisis. Just came to vent.

Over the past several months, it feels like I’ve been hit with one major loss after another. I lost my job, and with it I lost someone who was very meaningful to me. Shortly after that, my grandfather passed away. He believed in me when I struggled to believe in myself. He helped me financially, helped me through my criminal charges, and always saw the good in me. Losing him has left a huge hole in my life, both emotionally and financially. We had verbal agreements about helping me with rent, but nothing was ever put in writing, so now I’m trying to figure out how to move forward.

At the same time, my grandmother has dementia. She often believes I’m still a little girl, and spending time caring for her is emotionally heartbreaking. Because I’m currently the only one in my family without a job, I feel guilty if I’m not the one sitting with her. At the same time, I don’t think it’s healthy for me. My family also hasn’t been able to make the decision to move her into the level of care she needs, so I constantly feel stuck between wanting to help and feeling overwhelmed.

I’m also deeply worried about my mom. She’s always carried everyone else’s emotions, and since my grandfather passed away, I’ve watched that burden become even heavier. I worry she’s headed toward burnout, and I feel responsible for trying to hold everything together.

My relationship has also been difficult. My boyfriend is working through trust issues because of mistakes I’ve made, and I feel like I’m trying to save that relationship while everything else in my life is falling apart.

I think one of the biggest things I’ve realized is that I don’t know where I end and everyone else begins. I feel responsible for my grandmother, my mom, my relationship, my finances, and fixing my own life all at the same time. I don’t know how to put any of it down without feeling guilty.

Right now I feel overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, guilty, and honestly a little lost. I don’t really know who I am anymore because it feels like every area of my life has been shaken.

I don’t expect therapy to magically fix everything, but I want to understand why I carry so much responsibility, why I feel guilty all the time, and how to cope with everything that’s happened without feeling like I’m drowning.