Why am I like this?
I have no where else to turn to so here I am - I’m at a new job and am struggling left and right with my anxiety. I’ve prepped a month before hand - motivational quotes, studying how to get into the right confident mindset - only for it all to fly out the window once I walk through the door. I keep messing up socially left and right and I think some people hate me…I can’t help my nerves…it has been this way forever. I’ve tried to be better and have had some success in the past but I’m too tired facing this and fighting another emotional battle at home. I’m worried I’m going to be fired because I’m awkward or because of some misunderstandings where I can barely get a word out. I have repeated thoughts of worthlessness and don’t have the energy to “be here” anymore and the intrusive thoughts are getting worse. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m just meant to be fodder for someone else.
@friendlyPenny7362
Hi FriendlyPenny!
Thank you much for sharing this with us. I'm really sorry that you've been having a difficult time at your new job. It sounds exhausting and extremely taxing.
Starting anything new can be both exciting and anxiety-inducing, and it makes total sense you've been experiencing some nerves. You clearly put a lot of effort into preparing for your new job (which is something to be very proud of itself) but unfortunately things haven't gone the way you hoped so far. Plans don't always work out, and that's frustrating, but it also gives you a chance to try some different approaches and hopefully find what works for you.
You mentioned motivational quotes and studying how to get into the right confident mindset, have you tried anything else such as relaxation techniques (diaphragmatic breathing, deep muscle relaxation) or quick grounding techniques (a splash of cold water, 54321 sensory exercise, something strongly minty)? The 7 Cups Mindfulness Center has some resources on these different techniques along with many others.
Perhaps you might also find some of the guides on 7 Cups helpful:
https://www.7cups.com/anxiety-help/
https://www.7cups.com/social-anxiety/
https://www.7cups.com/work-related-stress/
You say you keep messing up socially and you feel that people hate you. I think it's important to keep in mind that with anxiety it can be very easy to make "thinking mistakes" for example all-or-nothing thinking (either I'm perfect or I've completely failed) or jumping to conclusions (I didn't "perform" well socially so now everyone hates me). Anxiety often causes thinking traps that are too easy for us to fall into and many times the reality is completely different and much more neutral and forgiving! It's just difficult to be objective.
I reckon that unless someone has actually said "I hate you", it's unlikely that a few seemingly awkward moments mean your co-workers dislike you. When you notice a harsh thought, you could try gently challenging it. For example "that felt awkward, but it doesn't mean I've ruined everything or that I'm disliked".
Being fired is a concern of yours specifically because you believe you're awkward or because of some misunderstandings where you struggling to speak up for yourself. If you feel that this is related your nerves and the anxiety you feel hen perhaps finding those techniques that work for you to decrease anxiety will help you feel more comfortable socially. Also settling into your new work environment (which naturally takes time, unfortunately) could help you feel more comfortable around your co-workers.
I'm so sorry that you're having repeated thoughts of worthlessness and that in general the intrusive thoughts are getting worse. It is a terrible thing for anyone to deal with. It also seems that you're just getting tired of trying to combat them, which is understandable as you've been dealing it for such a long time!
One positive I'd say is that you're aware of these thoughts as in you have some objectivity about them. That is an important step towards changing them. Simple reframes such as "well that's silly and just not true" anytime they pop up might be helpful. There's also many free resources available such as CBT-style worksheets or guided exercises that could be useful.
As for lacking energy, I'd encourage self-care self-care self-care as much as you can! Both in big ways and small. Prioritising regular sleep, nutritious meals and breaks with some fresh air and body movement can help you feel more rested and energised. Even tiny, consistent actions add up.
You are doing what you can with the tools you have, and you reached out to our 7 Cups community for support. I'd say you know exactly what to do, even if it doesn't feel like it! In fact, I'm not sure the feeling of "knowing exactly what to do" even exists!
You are not just meant to be fodder for someone else. You are meant for much more than that and to overall live a happy and healthy life.
Take care of yourself, and remember that you are not alone!
