anxious

Honestly, I feel completely lost right now. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever hit such a low in my life.

Some backstory: about 9 months ago, I started a job that I genuinely thought was going to be a dream opportunity. I was excited about it and thought I had finally found something I could grow in and actually enjoy. Unfortunately, things have turned out completely differently than I expected.

The environment has become incredibly draining, and I’ve found myself feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted more often than not. A lot has changed since I started. People have come and gone, leaving a lot of us trying to figure things out while still learning ourselves.

The frustrating part is that there are still expectations for everything to be done perfectly, even though there simply aren’t enough people who are fully trained or prepared to handle everything. This job also takes a while to truly learn, especially if you haven’t gone to school or had previous experience in this field. Most of the people there now are relatively new, so expecting everyone to immediately know everything just isn’t realistic.

What makes it worse is how frustrated some of the managers have gotten. There have been times where they get angry about things not being done perfectly or quickly enough, and we’ll hear about them talking behind our backs instead of actually helping us learn or giving us the support we need. It’s really discouraging to know that people are upset with us when we’re genuinely trying our best in a situation where almost everyone is still learning.

That creates so much tension. Managers get frustrated, other people get frustrated, and sometimes that frustration gets taken out on the people who are still learning and genuinely trying their best.

I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells and worrying about messing something up. I’ll go to work already dreading the day, and then come home completely exhausted with no energy left for anything else.

I know I need a change, but having bills and responsibilities makes it so much harder to just walk away. I’ve been applying to other jobs and trying to figure out my next step, but nothing has really worked out yet. Getting rejected or hearing nothing back while I’m already miserable where I am has honestly been making me feel even more hopeless.

I know I shouldn’t let one job make me feel like my entire future is ruined, but it’s hard not to feel that way when you’re living it every day.

I’m just tired. I want to feel like I’m moving forward again instead of constantly feeling like I’m barely keeping myself together. I don’t really expect anyone to have a solution—I think I just needed somewhere to finally get this off my chest.