can't stop the feeling that all of my friends/acquaintances will get bored of me
I struggle with social ties, navigating communities. I mask, I fawn, I only share things about myself that I feel are "acceptable" to other people. And i hate it.
I was raised to not care about these things, but to an extreme that didn't end up serving me. So maybe i'm a little stunted in regards to dealing with people. when i realized it was going wrong, i pivoted in the opposite direction, hard. I started thinking that if anyone didn't like me i was a bad person.
I don't believe that now.
I'm still trying to navigate the social landscape, and I am ( and have always) been able to make friends. But keeping them is hard. People move on, people are close with others first, or maybe i do something or say something that they don't like and it causes them to keep their distance. I have lost friends over attempting to communicate with them ( they weren't ready to have hard conversations.)
I just always get anxiety that people secretly hate me, or that I will do something to *** everything up at some point. Or they will just stop caring for whatever unexplainable reason. I've tried to come to a sort of peace about the fact that people will come and go from my life, and that sometimes i'm not the best at maintaining friendships either. But sometimes it all happens at once, and i feel terribly alone in the world.
and sometimes, social relationships will mean the difference between whether or not i get a job. ( i'm a gig worker at several places). People need to like me for me to keep working. which is a lot of pressure. I have been able to identify when someone is not good for me, but i'm unsure of how to handle it if they are an integral part of my industry/working social circle. I want to be respected and not treated like a doormat, but i have trouble confronting people about bad behavior in certain situations, because wrong steps can affect my career. (cue nepo baby boss problems)
I know that some things require a change of environment, but i also can't just run from my problems or suppress them.
@affableStrings4654
Yeah, I get that feeling. That constant worry that people will eventually get tired of you or drift, even when nothing’s actually wrong, it sticks. And when you’ve had friendships fade or blow up before, it makes every new connection feel like you’re waiting for the moment it goes sideways.
And with your work depending on people liking you, that pressure hits different. It’s not just social stuff, it’s your livelihood tied into the same circles. Anyone would feel on edge in that.
Nothing you said sounds dramatic. You are trying to hold onto connections in a world where you feel like you have to constantly read the room and hope people don’t disappear.
I get why it feels so heavy. You’re not imagining that weight.💜
@colorfulPanda8664
Thank you for saying so. I really wish that i didn't care so much. I know that feeling this way leads to clingy behavior, and it makes others dislike you. I try not to act on these feelings, but sometimes i worry about going too far and being too aloof.