panic

hey there, im only new here but things have been pretty bad and i just need a space to just talk.

Starting off is that i really dont feel anything, like i just dont have emotions anymore does anyone know why that is? But when i do feel emotions they coke in intense waves, like when im sad im like really sad, or when im angry i am really angry. i do feel happiness sometimes but when i feel happy its like i need to shut down and be sad again

i dont know why i feel this way and its making me feel unhelpable.

Another contributing factor is my school counsellor, he comes in every thursday for work placement and to help some of the students. i am one of the students he talks to regularly. when he is not here like at school, i feel so lost and i just miss him. i feel like i have an obsession with him and i know its weird but i dont know how to stop it. a part of me just hates the obsession because in my head all i can think about is the future, how i am going to live without him when i graduate (im in my last year of secondary)? how am i going to be okay without him? i am really lost and i dont know how to communicate this with him because of the limited time. ive been having my mock exams so i dont have much time to speak to him and for the next 2 weeks i wont be in school.

i have major dissociation issues and ive seen many counsellors but nothing has helped, why? 

these are just of the little things that bother me, i forget things really easily so i cant really explain things right now

any help would be appreciated thank you!