I passed out on stage because I hyperventilated
And when I woke up I had another panic attack because literally the entire school was crowded around me and I started crying and I ran away and puked and Ive never felt worse in my life and I want to die.
This is very hard to deal with, i understand you, but remember that great difficulties in life will make you a great person if you will overcome them. For someone there is no choice to live the "quite average normal life". They have more burden to deal with that will make them stronger than average people if they deal with it. But without external help this is impossible. Ask for help to parents, school, structures to allow you to see a professional. You need it. Read about it. Keep looking for a solution and in the future you will think about this as a conerstone that made you reach your greatness!