Unsupportive Friend
I hate how when my friend, who suffers from anxiety as well, expects support and understanding when shes having a rough time- but when I do, all I get is tough love.
Like, I need to get a job, and I know I have to apply- but Im going tomorrow, so that means Im going to spend the next 20 hours trying to not think of it because I dont want to have a panic attack. So I messaged my friend, thinking shed get why I was having trouble since just yesterday she lost a night of sleep because of a panic attack and had to miss school. NOPE. All she had to say to me was I need to get out and work. Like I know that, and I get that, and I wish it werent such an issue for me- but thats not what I needed. When shes panicked, I try to reassure her, tell her its okay, itll pass. Its not your fault you feel this way, just try to breathe and relax, itll pass. But when I tell her Im staring down the barrel of 20 hours at a high level of anxiety, she basically tells me to get over it. I know I have to fight my anxiety but Im wasnt looking for advice, I was looking for comfort. Someone who knows what Im feeling to say they understand.
@writerchick88
I completely understand what you mean. I have only one friend, I tell her, not everything, but a lot. But because I felt like she's being unsupportive at times, I don't know if I can call her my best friend.
When we talk, it's literally for hours, about her problems, and if it's about something else, the topic end up being about her anyway. I mean, I don't mind giving her advices and such, she always comes to me but I feel like I have noone I can talk to about my problems. Partly because when I start talking about my worries, she just replies with something I could've figured out by myself and changes topic immediately. And I don't want to be such a person to tell her to be more interested in me and my issues because it feels like I'm just selfish. She's experienceing mild depression and burn out syndrome right now yet I remember when I went through terrible depression and loneliness, she didn't respond even for months, even to my greeting. That was the time I needed her the most, yet she wasn't there. But of course, she couldn't be, because she was dealing with her issues at that time. And that's why I decided, I'm not gonna expect anything. I haven't even told her about my problems. I like her and I know her personality, she probably doesn't even realize. But still somewhere in the back of my mind I always remember the things i mentioned above.
I just feel like I'd help her with everything but she wouldn't do the same for me.
I'm sorry your friend isn't giving you the same support as you do give her. I know it feels like there is noone who'd listen to what you have to say without you thinking they are bothered by it. I'd never tell someone who's suffering from the same issues as me, to just get over it. It hurts and it made me feel so lonely at times.
@eisan Thank you for your support.
I have to say that I am sorry your friend isn't there for you. It can be incredibly frustrating that you feel as though you've got one person you can talk to and they're too wrapped up in their own selves to say anything to you. Its even worse when its empty platitudes and things you already know.
I know that's why I often come here. Sometimes strangers can be the best support because there aren't any strings. No obligation- just the freedom to contribute (or not) as they please.
Hopefully, things will get bettter and we can soldier on (and maybe find some friends who can give us the support we need)
I understand where you're coming from. You thought that since she has similar experience, she would empathize with you but all she tell you is to suck it up and deal with it. We all want support and validation from our loved ones.