What is going on...?

I don't even know if I have anxiety or if this is something else, but I feel panicked and confused. I never been diagnosed by a freaking therapist, I swear to god. When talking to others in my family, especially my mom, I struggle to. Why do their words feel scrambled and confusing to me? My mom even said this to me... disliking how I'm some kind of alien or someone who doesn't understand words and language. She dislikes how silent I get, how confused I get. Why am I so confused...? Why do I struggle to grasp on words and directions? I'm just in my room right now... I'm breathing fast and I'm questioning why I'm acting like this. I'm even crying a little bit... my eyes watering a bit. I keep getting thoughts in my head... on how I hate my mom. (There has been some family issues involving trust and a confusing past. But that's it's own rabbit hole.) I keep repeating it in my head... and I don't want to talk to anyone in my family. I feel like I'm dying inside, my emotions and thoughts clawing at me. I really hate when I act down-in-the-dumps... then I get minor emotional attacks like this. I'm zoning out with distress and I hate it. I don't feel comfortable talking about my feelings to anyone in my life (not that I have many people), so... I just need to get this out of my chest.