Ecclesiophobia
Hello,
I have pretty severe Ecclesiophobia: the fear of churches/being in a Church.
Now, I am actually a pretty strong Christian: I have no issues with God or reading the Bible daily, and my faith is pretty important to me. However, growing up my family did alot of church hopping, and I had some pretty negative experiences. Being always new meant that it was always nerve-wracking to try to figure out where to go at certain times of the service all by myself, and most other kids shunned me because I was new and different, and would go out if their way to always sit a seat away from me, even if the isles were almost full. This led to horrible social anxiety, and the people who did befriend me for the most part were not very good people ir all that nice to me.
This pattern of behavior from me and everyone else lasted way into my adulthood, and as my parents relationship became more tumultuous there would be arguments about going to church and arguments about the service after, until my dad didn't come to church and I didn't either.
The loud noises, the forced socializing, the perfumes of the ladies giving me allergic reactions, the cold sanctuary and the uncomfortable clothes all for hours without an escape was really draining. That and I felt like everyone looked down on me because I was different, and that I would never have a happy life because of it. It was hard to keep from crying.
I want to get over it though
@JessieKat Hey there. I'm so sorry that you had this experience growing up! While I can't imagine the extent of what you've gone through, I know what it's like having negative experiences in church. Reading your story, I can completely understand why you developed this fear. It must have been so difficult always being new, having social anxiety, and encountering people that weren't nice. If you'd like to answer, what's your motivation for wanting to get over this fear? Feel free to respond to me here or send me a message if you'd like more support! :)
@SimplyMeg
Thanks for the thoughts,
My motivation for getting over this fear is mainly not letting old wounds and fears control me. I want to make it my mission to go back and face all the things in my past now that I am older and hopefully wiser. My faith is also very important to me, and I would like to openly practice it again because many people in other countries don't get that freedom. I also know that there must be some good people out there, and I want to bring awareness to the fact that many churches in my area aren't as welcoming of new people as they should be. I kindof want to prevent this kind of thing happening in the first place
@JessieKat
It definitely makes sense why you've developed this phobia! I'd never heard of it before. It sounds like it causes you distress to have the phobia but facing it would cause even more distress (at least short term). I think its very brave to want to overcome your fears and put the past wounds behind and I hope some day your able to put the fears aside and go in a church again without all of the negative memories.
@InvaderStitch
Thank you 
@JessieKat Those are fantastic motivations! It sounds like you have a really good understanding of yourself, both where this fear came from, and why you want to get over it. That can really help you with overcoming this. Have you ever gone to church since your bad experiences when you were younger? If so, how did you feel then being inside of a church? And if you haven't been, how does it make you feel to think about going back to church now?
@SimplyMeg
Ive been back to church a few times, and they were all a but uncomfortable, since I was new again, had to explain who I was, and most people kind of kept there distance except for a few friendly people.
Unfortunately I had been going with my mother, and our relationship is kindof...strained sometimes. She had this opinion that I didn't like going to church because I was bitter and didn't give grace to other people. After hearing that conversation a few times after going with her it kind of ruined my appetite for it.
I find I do a lot better going to Sunday schools and weekday Bible studies where the focus is more on discussion and less about the silly external religious practices and appearances sometimes. Maybe I can ease my way back into going?
@JessieKat
I think easing back into going to church by starting out with the activities you are most comfortable with is a wonderful idea! Since you mentioned you haven't had the greatest experiences going with your mother, maybe there's someone else in your life you'd feel more comfortable with joining you? Finding ways to turn church into a fully positive experience for you could really help in overcoming the bad memories. Researching different churches in your community could be helpful too - maybe you'd feel more comfortable in a larger congregation that sees new faces all the time, so you wouldn't have to worry so much about being seen as the "new person." You could even meet with the preacher/pastor or another church leader one-on-one ahead of time so that you can introduce yourself and figure out if it will be a good fit.
@SimplyMeg
Thanks, those are some good ideas