Toxiphobia - Fear of Being Poisoned

TW: talks about poison, not eating

I've had a fear of being poisoned ever since I was a child. It comes and goes but when it comes, it hits me really hard and causes immense anxiety and paranoia. I've been dealing with this for almost a month now alone because I don't know how to talk about it.

I know that my paranoia is irrational but that doesn't stop it from still being real to me and affecting both my physical and mental health. It's gotten to the point where I've barely eaten or drank anything in the past 3 days because I'm so obsessed with the idea of someone somehow poisoning my sealed packages that don't even look suspicious. I seriously don't know what to do. I seek reassurance that my food and beverages are fine but in order to get that I have to actually talk about it and I don't know how.

I know too much about toxins for my own good. I am absolutely terrified despite me having no good reason to be and it's debilitating. There's no reason for me to think that someone somehow put ricin in my sealed water bottle but the lingering "what if" in the back of my mind is driving me crazy.

I just want reassurance because I don't know how to deal with this alone anymore.