Abandonment Anxiety
I didn't grow up with the most attentive parents. I feel like I was constantly fighting for their love and having to reassure myself that they love me rather than them ever telling me or reassuring me when Id get upset about it. Recently though, my mother completely up and left and said very mean things to me after leaving. Since then, I have had rather crippling anxiety that has seeped into my relationship, I constantly feel scared that my partner might leave me and I feel undeserving of them. I want so badly to not feel this way, but I constantly feel scared an I feel like any discrepancy in tone or wording or behavior sets off my anxiety. When these things happen it also frustrates my partner, and they have told me it’s not my fault and that they love me but its hard when they feel like they show how much they love me all of the time. I feel absolutely awful about this and Im not sure what to do or how to comfort myself. I feel like when I tell myself in my head “no they love me, they tell me that all the time” my brain just responds with “yeah but they don’t seem interested right now” and I just cant pull myself out of my anxiety. Any tips on what I can do? This has come to feel quite crippling for me
Did you tell your partner about it?
Yes I have before, and usually they get a bit frustrated and start explaining why my thoughts are irrational, but this usually just makes me feel worse because it just makes me scared that they are mad at me or getting tired of having to deal with this. They always tell me that thats not the case, but they always sound so stern and forced when they say so, and when I tell them about the change of tone they usually just say that they mean it just the same no matter their tone, however I still cant shake the thoughts away. They know about my past situation and why I feel the way that I feel, but it feels like Im still expected to be able to rationalize for myself and comfort myself; and when I cant do it it upsets them, and I feel like Im ruining my relationship because of it.
