An irritationg infinite loop

It just seems like a pattern to me now... Atmost 2 or 3 days are there when i thing everything is just 10 percent about to go easy then bam again all of a sudden just a little catalyst breaks all of my effort not to overthing or exhaust myself. Its like every second is a fight sometimes. I dont blame anybody but i dont feel okay more mentally than physically.. i cant trust anything around me.. not me not my destiny not even my closed ones.. i always have this fear going inside me what if they are not well and just dealing with it and not telling me? What if i dont know and i am having some diseas? What if i cant live for long? What if i cant provide the comfort and lifestyle to my parents which they deserve? What if I am not doing well in anything?? It has become upto the point when anybody from my work is complimenting me like " you did great job" i always think am I really worth it? Did I actually do a god job or are they just motivating me so that i can do things normal amount atleast? I dont know since when did I become this much self consious that i subconsiously started blaming myself for every little bad things around me.. and frankly i dont even wanna know.. sometimes i feel sorry formyself but in those times too.. a small voice comes that i am just getting what i did.. may i am a horrible person and that is why i am this much lonely and miseraable. Everybody around me says I should be with someone cause they think i am messed up since I AM SINGLE. but frankly . I am scared.. i am scaref of blaming myself for another life. I am scared of showing my entire self which i am trying hard to hide from most of the people around me. It is really a messed up and weird feeling. The only thing sometimes in my mind is.. "the reason i am bteathing is my parents so my life should only and only should be for them.. since I dont have any passion yet i should just live for them". Otherwise i dont find any energy for myself... Or I dont find any will to do something for myself... It seems really selfish.. I know that my thoughts are wrong but I cant seem to convince myself enough. Sorry if anybody read it.. but if you did can you please suggest me how can i get away from this horrible feeling?