Anxiety, Depression, Effective Action and Accomplishment
This is the first time I have started a new thread, so hopefully I'm doing this in the right place.
I'm interested in talking with people about getting things done and having joy.
At the depths of depression, I have struggled to move clothes from the washer to the dryer. At the peak of my career, I ran a very profitable company and sold it. I've been diagnosed with Aspergers (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder), Anxiety and Depression. I'm a recovering alcoholic (two years sober). I used alcohol to mitigate social anxiety and sensory issues. Now, I carefully manage my environment, limit stress as much as possible, excercise a lot, see a therapist and participate in AA.
I've got about 10 projects I'd like to complete, but I just have a hard time getting started. I get these "thought punches" once or twice a day, when the cost/benefits of a project intrude sort of messing up the moment. I think of it like a big, muddy dog, sort of showing up in my clean house of my mind all of a sudden. Then I get anxious. Excercise takes the edge off.
It's important to me to proceed logically and do each task well. Sort of an "if I can't do it right, I'd rather not do it at all" approach. I'm easily annoyed by little messes my family might leave around the house.
For instance, I might be planning to work on one of my projects, but I just want to start some laundry. There's a load that appears done in the washer, but I discover that someone did not clean the lint trap, so their clothes are still damp. I empty the lint trap, begin finishing the drying, have a wet load on deck and start a new load in the washer. No one has emptied the trash can, so there's nowhere to put the lint. There are no trash bags in the laundry room, so I go to the garage to get some. Someone needed an item from a storage box, but they did not put the lid back on the box nor put it back on the shelf. I'm about six tasks removed from working on my project. Annoyed!
I feel like I can't win. If I focus on caring for my family and the house, I can just about keep up, but I have to ignore other projects. If I focus on other projects, the house starts to break down. Before I used to sacrifice sleep, excercise, planned eating so I could work longer hours. I'd pay people to do the house work. (And maybe I need to do that again? get some paid help?)
I'm sure my goals and expectations are unreasonable, and maybe that's what I should recalibrate? I try to focus on the basics: My personal well-being. My kids well-being, my wife's. Cook healthy meals. Get the right amount of sleep and excercise. Why does it always seem like an either/or?
I'd be dead or on a path to death had I not stopped drinking. I'm grateful to be sober and for the financial success I've had.
How do you all get things done?
@ASDdad
Frankly, I can understand the frustration. One task turns into 20 in a matter of a minute and then it takes 10 times that to get back to the original task.
In my opinion, you are allowed to be grateful for being sober, healthy and financially stable AND still be frustrated with the "little things". I say little things in the sense that being sober and managing depressing are more directly important to your health than the daily irritants of life but I don't, in any way, mean to minimize your frustrations. The little things in life (positive and negative) really do matter and pile up.
I have also been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I got to the point where I was beating myself up for not being motivated to do everything I wanted to do in that day.. until I realized that (and I'll say this a lot) the little things do count. Some days, I clean, get ahead on my classes, help my sister out, babysit, AND hang out with friends all in one day.. while other days I just get out of bed, make some coffee, and not even leave my room. I count BOTH days as winning because I didn't want to get out of bed to begin with but I did.. on both days.
Someone once told me to create a "daily win list". Essentially you create a list of things you didn't want to do that day but still did. Looking back on it gives me a lot of pride and realization of all that I was doing and not what I didn't do. It's easy to slip into negative thinking habits and way harder to get out of them. I urge you to see not completing all your desired projects as soon as you want to as a work in progress and not as a failed project.
As for the hired help, I think that would be helpful for your daily frustration. Another option is asking for help from your family or perhaps making a chore chart where everyone helps out. Perhaps just speaking to your wife on the matter and coming up with another option is another solution. I don't know your situation so I don't know what would work better for you but ultimately do what is best for your mental and physical health.
I hope that is somewhat helpful but just know you're not alone regardless and I hope you stay safe out there!
Finding a good balance in life is hard ! But you’re doing an amazing job and congrats on your sobriety! I have been sober for almost 5 years now! Maybe you could make a to do list! Take one task at a time! Keep your head up! Things will get better!