Anxiety affecting work.

I have called out of work all this week due to continued anxiety. The sad part is I do love my job, but with the dreaded virus going around and me having unfortunately gained the pandemic pounds, I find more and more I'm unable to do what I once did. This has caused me to panic. I'm hyper aware of stares, of the fact I need to call to have a chair brought out, even though I'm not registered as needing assistance of the sort; questioning what the supervisors are thinking. Even worse, my mind is constantly taking things from context and applying them to me. Every laugh I wonder is a laugh directed at me somehow. Every time someone talks bad about someone, I listen close and wonder if it is about me. And I feel frozen. One particular comment sent me into a panic (I had nothing to clean, so I got to leave early, one of the girls was just like "Oh I see they're just gonna bounce. Well bye!" in a tone that seemed between pity and salty). I sat in my car and just froze up, the dread of having to come back sinking in.

So now every day this week I have called in using a white lie that a family member is in the hospital and I needed to be home to be there so I don't get docked points. Every night I can't sleep knowing I have to go back there, possibly expose myself to the virus, which I could bring home to my elderly aunt, and also know that I can't do my job well. And there is no coping with the dread. I just feel like I don't belong there, and I am probably going to resign to get my health in order.