Anxiety and guilt

During my depression procrastination became my unhealthy coping mechanism. Just recently I have been trying to built my healthy life esteem. I used to attach my self worth to my success, failure, family,how many friends I have etc external things. Now I'm trying to come out of my shell, after dealing with social anxiety.

I realized how I used to self sabotage my life because of my depression. It's difficult to pull myself out of negative mindset. I have been feeling lost now too, sometimes I just want to have an emotional breakdown to cope with my anxiety but I might feel good temporarily,but it's not going to solve anything. It's frustrating to shove anxious thoughts to the back of my mind repeatedly.

When I am being unproductive ,like when I am sick I feel like I don't deserve rest because I am the one responsible for self sabotaging my life,I'm not working hard enough. I don't know how to get out of this self blaming and guilt ridden anxiety.