Anxiety over communication and being a bad person
I do not feel as though i can talk directly to my friend. This is the first relationship i've ever had where i actually want to communicate, and have been able to in the past. In all my other relationships, past and ongoing, i fawn and never communicate when there's an issue.
The problem is that i dont want to constantly be hounding my friend, and i dont want to be a never ending downer. But i also worry that i am losing my values by not communicating when there's an issue, and that it makes me a bad person.
I'm also afraid of arguing. Im terrified of people getting angry with me, and im even more scared of my friend silently resenting me for constantly getting on their case.
My anxiety basically tells me that if i tell them something im going to be a constant downer and that i'll upset them and they'll yell at me, which they would never do because i've talked to them about serious things before and they reassured me, and told me they were proud of me for being able to talk to them. But then my anxiety it tells me im a bad person when i dont tell them what i wanted to and then i feel overwhelmingly guilty and undeserving of love.
@RedMouse how do they usually respond to you when you tell them your concerns? I think honesty is the best policy in this instance. Stay strong, me and the whole of 7 Cups are here for you ??
@Jem7Cups
They're always really kind when I tell them if something is bothering me. The last serious conversation I had with them, they reassured me about my worries, and told me they were glad I was able to talk to them and that they were proud of me.
I just don't want to bug them I guess? But I'm worried because, even though I know one mistake doesn't define me, I feel like I'm betraying my values by not talking openly about things. And I know I'm not learning how to communicate if I just keep quiet.
It's been a few days, so I'm thinking that I should take this as a lesson to communicate in the future, and if it comes up again, or if there's something else that's bothering me, I'll say something, and if it doesn't, then I don't want to stress myself out about it. But do you think that's okay? I mean, does that make me a bad person? Because I know logically, one mistake caused by being too anxious to speak isn't a horrible, massive thing, and if a friend asked me the same thing I would say that they're not a bad person, but I still feel like one.